10K Softball Update: Homeruns, Poor Pitching, Defensive Errors, Beer, & Jake’s Nuts

Baseball Booze Everything Else

Four weeks into league play and WOW has it been a reality check on our egos and lack of athleticism. While we have steadily improved, our record stands at 1-7 which is good for last place. All in all, if you asked how to define our season beyond the record, I would tell you it is mostly Homeruns, Walks (Surrendered), Errors (a lot of them), & Jake putting his body on the line to make plays. With that said, let us get down to the weekly breakdowns and roast who played terrible!!

WEEK 1 – Financial Advisors & Lung Dart Legends

Game 1: After trading a few runs with our opponents, who look like a bunch of college buddies turned Financial Advisors, we were quickly humbled. In the 2nd Inning, the Financial Advisors tee’d off on us hanging 16 runs in a single inning. We quickly realized we were out of our element and some guys take Beer League way too seriously. The only highlight was one of the Financial Advisors hitting a hot liner drilling his own teammate and roommate in the ribs. Final score was 33-8…OUCH!!

Game 2: Reeling from a massive curb-stomping, we took on a group of older guys in a random collection of jerseys. We were once again humbled, simply because they all looked old and shot. Guys in their 20s & 30s should beat men in their 40s who bang lung darts and are close to joint replacement surgery. Outside of chirping our opponents and a Maxwell Veech Homerun, it was a forgetful game as we lost by 10 or 12 runs.

Veech Celebrating His First Homerun of the Season

WEEK 2 – Average Joes & Dads

Game 3: Maybe it was the embarrassment of two blowouts, or we just decided to grow a pair, but we came out HOT in week 2. Playing under the lights in mist, the bats came alive as everyone was smacking the ball… except for me (but I drew 4 walks and scored 4 runs, just call me Barry Bonds Jr). Veech had another monster game hitting a Grand Slam and a 3-Run HR. Even with a multitude of fielding errors, we walked away winners with a final score of 28-17.

Another VEECH BOMB – This time a Grand Slam

Game 4: Long story short, our winning streak did not reach 2 Games. If there were spectators, they would have thought they were watching a bunch of Dads piss-pound their sons in a game of softball. This was easily our worst game of the season as we put up a pathetic effort. Add insult to injury, I got the last out of a merciless 33-1 drubbing, meaning that I would be responsible for the team’s beer in week 3. Derek Olson’s piss-missile Home Run to Left Center was the only good thing that happened in this game… it would be nice if he could get his head out of his ass and perform up to his potential, the 10k boys invested a lot in free agency to pick him up.

WEEK 3 – Cargo Shorts & Organized Hardos

Game 5: Over the first couple of innings, it was looking like another blowout loss as we fell behind 11-1. Then in the bottom of the 5th, things got electric as the bats came alive, we shelled our opposition for 10 runs. Both Derek Olson & Eric “JJ Jr” Bringgold contributed with Homeruns. However, it was almost negated as we forgot to keep the book, but thankfully the Ump who was smoking lung darts the whole game was able to do the Math! With the score tied in the final inning, our foes who I’ll call “Cargo Shorts” because that is what several members wore, clipped us by 1 resulting in a 12-11 loss.

Game 6: This game was defeating for me personally, in the second match-up we played against a highly organized squad with a pitcher who threw automatic strikes. For those who do not know, I am not tall and try to draw walks each plate appearance. Again, I would be the final out striking out looking…Beer Bitch again! Derek, after some motivation by me, hit another bomb to add to his team-leading total, but beyond that, the highlights escape my memory. The final result of the game was losing by 10 or 12 runs.

***One big positive note is that we had fans for the first time. Veech’s lady friend came, along with a friend of her own. Additionally, Mr. & Mrs. Bringgold saw us for the first time and even brought cupcakes for Jake’s Birthday.

WEEK 4 – Team America & Financial Advisors

Game 7: One thing I have learned so far in the season is to never underestimate a team of old guys. Draped in American Themed Jerseys, we played another squad of dads, seriously one guy was 63. Having the youth and healthy joints on our side, I thought we had a chance to secure our 2nd Win of the season. Several members of this squad needed pinch runners due to aging hips and knees. For the first time in the Season, I contributed to the hit column with a single to left, unfortunately that good Omen was followed by a bad one when I drilled Kewitsch in the head with the ball. In my defense, he was pitching awful, and I had to wake his ass up!!! It was close in score, but we were once again handed a loss.

Throwing Softballs at Heads is my new form of Motivation

Game 8: Rematch time against the Financial Advisors, who whooped us 33-8 in Week 1. We benched Kewitsch for Cam Thompson in the Pitchers Circle. There were lots of improvements this time around. For starters, we surrendered fewer walks, played relatively good defense, and hit the ball well. The downside was that our Manager Cam, who gets offended when I call Derek and Veech our best players over him, killed a couple of rallies with Infield Fly-Outs. Also, 10K’s biggest Simp, Andy, committed a couple of egregious baserunning errors. Despite a 2-Out Rally, we fell again to the Financial Advisors.


  • Despite a 1-7 record, we have made tremendous improvements since Week 1. Turns out putting players in the correct positions makes a monumental difference. Fewer Errors have drastically reduced unearned runs.
  • Our hitting overall is good, but we need to increase the extra-base hits. SORRY BOYS but I cannot help, as I am strictly a guy who draws walks and rips singles.
  • We lose our Right Center Fielder and one of our better hitters in Eric Bringgold, so we will need to figure out a replacement there. My vote would be to bring up Andrew Lancman from the Taxi Squad. He filled in for us in Week 2 and the kid can catch, has a cannon of an arm, and lightning-fast. It is also rumored that company CFO, Wags, will be making his season debut after sitting on the IL due to his Chrone’s Issues.
  • Our pitching is embarrassing, sorry to both Jack “Token” Kewitsch and Cameron. I can forgive Token because he does not have a shred of athleticism, but Cam has talked a Big Game about how good of a Softballer he is, but I have yet to see it. Friend of 10K, Alexis Pearson, has expressed interest in joining the team as she played Softball in High School so that potential acquisition is under heavy consideration.

Early season MVPs:

  • Derek Olson – Overall our best player! Makes Gold Glove plays in the Outfield and leads the team in Batting Average, Hits, Doubles, HRs, and RBI.
  • Max Veech – Ranks 3rd in Hits, 2nd in HRs & RBIs, and is consistent in the outfield.
  • Zach “Zooch” Collins – I make fun of him a lot for miss playing grounders at 3rd Base, but I am also deathly afraid of playing 3rd Base. He does redeem himself with some stellar putouts on occasion and ranks 2nd on the team in Hits.
  • Jake “JJ” Bringgold – Dude is a brick wall at Shortstop, thank God he wears a cup, because he even put his “Stones” on the line to stop in a ground ball. Adding to his defense, JJ is a .500 Hitter and leads the team in Triples. He also takes this whole “Men’s Leauge Softball” thing WAYYYYYY too seriously.