nfl poopy

The 2023 NFL Season is Undeniably CURSED


Every year, the NFL season seems to have a theme. Comebacks, injuries, backup QBs playing like the GOAT. We’ve seen it all, it seems, but the 2023 NFL season has been so weird the only possible explanation is that it’s cursed.

Yeah sure, the Eagles and Chiefs are dominating like we all thought they would. And the Vikings are middle of the pack, like most experts predicted. What they didn’t predict was the endless amount of horrible primetime games and injuries.

The 2023 All-Hospital Team is STACKED.

Injuries happen every season, I get that. But 2023 has taken no prisoners when it comes to the cream of the crop players getting hurt. Take last week’s Thursday Night game. After Amazon Prime showed nothing but awful matchups filled with mid, we finally got a banger in Bengals-Ravens. If you somehow missed the 1st half of that game, you were left in the dark when it comes to madness. Mark Andrews snapped his ankle and Joe Burrow hurt his throwing hand, both going out for the season in a critical divisional game. Sheesh.

But what about the local angle? Well, things are just as bad here in Minny. If you would have told me in early August that we’d start 0-3, JJ would miss six games, and Kirk would be done for the season, I would have lost my shit. In fact, I did lose my shit. And yet, we’re in a weirdly good spot to make the playoffs.

So What Now???

The Vikings sit at 6-5 riding the B-Flo defense and The Passtronaut, Josh Dobbs. So maybe we’re alright? The Purple People Eaters are sitting 2.5 games back of the Lions with both head to head games yet to come, so there’s still a chance at defending the NFC North crown, even if it is unlikely. According to ESPN’s analytics, the Vikings have an 80% chance to make the playoffs. If the season were to end today, they’d be the 6 seed in the NFC. They have a chance at winning the division, but they’ll need some help.

The sad news is the Lions are red hot, and it seems more likely every week that the only path to the postseason for the Vikes is NFC North champs or the 7th seed. The good news is we still control our own destiny. And to reiterate, this is all AFTER we just lost to fucking Sean Payton and Russell Wilson in one of the ugliest games imaginable. UGH, this NFL season truly is cursed.

How can we save the 2023 NFL Season from being cursed?

The 2023 NFL season will always be remembered for having dogshit primetime games, but guys I promise it SHOULD get better. Tonight on MNF we get a Super Bowl rematch with Eagles-Chiefs. Here are some matchups that all football fans should look forward to: Bills-Eagles, Niners-Eagles, Bills-Chiefs and yeah, you get the picture. Not to mention the Vikings and Lions play each other twice in the last three weeks of the season. JUICY.

It’s basically the same 5 teams all playing each other, but meaningful December football fucking rules. Not to mention we could have a random banger between the Texans and Jags or some goofy shit like that. This season has been less than memorable for all NFL fans, let’s hope the final 7 weeks save us from the worst season ever. Or at the very least, a chaotic playoff run.

Here’s hoping. Skol!