The regular season has come and gone with a last place record of 1-20-1. Some high notes; every team makes the playoffs, Derek Olson would probably be League MVP, Zachary Tyler “Zooch” Collins is a Gold Glover, no one plays harder than Journalist Jake Bringgold, who routinely puts his body on the line stopping ground balls at short, and I most likely led the league in Walks!! The bad: we had 1 win in 22 GD games played, ONE!! Oh, and last week my car sustained a dented fender and busted out Rear Window off of two Home Runs hit in our night cap game vs. the Financial Advisors.
HOME RUN DERBY TIME
If you are new to the Beer League Softball team, you would think, “Well duh Tim, of course your car is going to be hit!”. However, that is not the case as rules generally prevent an onslaught of Piss Missiles leaving the field. Each team is allowed a max of three Home Runs, with every Homer after becoming an automatic out. The one exception is when the teams are all even at three, then one team can hit an additional Home Run. It became a back and forth barrage each inning.
WTF, JAY CUTLER?!!!
Never had concern about my car, even when the Homers started to accumulate. That lack of concern changed to “Oh Shit” when our own Derek Olson along with the opposing teams Pitcher started launching 300-400 Foot Bombs. Fully expected one to smoke my pimpin’ 2010 Ford Focus Sedan, but it was an unlikely culprit who hit my left front fender. He is one of the Financial Advisors’ better players, but more of a gap hitter and speed guy. I believe his name is Chris, but I call him Jay Cutler, and often ask how Kristin (Cavallari) is doing these days. He hit a deep gapper to Left Center, made it through the trees, one hopped the pavement and BANG!!!
DUDE, MY CAR!!!!
Ok, whatever, that sucked, but not sweating it too bad at this point. My car is black so you cannot see that type of damage very well. Also, I am looking at upgrading soon as my ride is a clunker. What happened next ruined my night. Our best player and probably league MVP if he was not on a 1-Win Team, Derek Olson, stepped up to the plate with bad intentions. First pitch…YABO…this sumbitch carried too, not only was it a No-Doubter, but it flew over the tall trees behind the fence, landing directly on my car shattering my back window faster than Conor McGregor’s Leg.
Jake From State Farm?
In the end it was great for content as the video Bossman recorded has accumulated close to 500k views on TikTok. As one of my favorite podcasters, Paul “BizNasty” Bissonnette, likes to say, “NOT A BIG DEAL!”. Happy to report, after a call with State Farm, the window has been replaced. Shoutout to Clear Choice Auto Glass of Bloomington for their quick and professional response. Not a joke, first class business!