3 Takeaways From Gophers-Huskers

Football Gophers

Football is BACK baby. The Gopher’s season is finally here and it did not fucking disappoint. A team with low expectations coming out of camp started off with a HUGE statement win against the Cornhuskers.

Takeaway #1: Athan Kaliakmanis is The Guy

I know the jury was still kind of out on Antetokounmpo even though he’s had some hype coming out of camp this year, but he showed everybody that this is his team this year and he’s going to put us in a position to win every single game.

This is the kind of air raid offense I was waiting for. Look at the way our guy Kaklamanakis threads the needle and puts the ball right in the receiver’s hands in stride. Watch out Big Ten, Galifinakis is COMING this year.

Takeaway #2: The Gopher Defense is FOR REAL

3 interceptions and a shutout in the first half. The fellas are not holding back this year. This is Big Ten football at its finest and I fucking love it. Forget what I just said about the Gopher offense. Let us win every game 10-3 with 7 punts and 98 total yards from scrimmage. That’s what Minnesota football is about.

Tyler Nubin? Dog. Tre’Von Jones? Dog.

This defense has so many dogs it’s now clear why Michael Vick was not included on Fox’s broadcast team this week. Smart move, gonna want him to keep his distance.

Takeaway #3: P.J. is Hiding Something

Nothing became more evident during this broadcast than the fact that P.J. Fleck was scheming something up.

I mean look at those fucking shades. No honest man wears those during an interview. He wanted no part of Jenny Taft’s enchanting eyes peering into his soul and uncovering his secrets. There’s literally no other way to explain this sunglass choice here. What are you hiding P.J?

Had you just finished crying a little bit and didn’t want everyone to know? Are you trying to cook up some trick plays mid-interview? Is it just an intimidation thing to make sure your players keep not liking you?

Either way, I love a little bit of mystery out of a head coach, need to peel this guy like an onion this season and discover what’s underneath those burnt orange frames. Layer by layer.