Ahh, what a start to the football season it’s been. The Gophers blew a 17-point lead to Northwestern, the Vikings are 0-3, and the Packers might have their next guy. We’re not meant to have nice things, it was never meant to be. It’s time to accept the fact that the Packers will be good for the next 15+ years and Jordan Love will end up with a gold jacket. We need to be ready for this. Batten down the hatches. Ready the cannons.
In the past, we knew exactly how to defend ourselves against an onslaught of Packer fans after a loss. Oh, Rodgers torched the Vikings for 350 yards and 4 TDs? Play the hits. His family hates him, he can’t keep a girlfriend, and he’s potentially responsible for the deaths of millions of elderly for not getting vaccinated.
We had all the clubs in our bag and we knew exactly how to swing them. Suddenly, Jordan Love is running the show and now we’ve got nothing.
In a move of proactive self-defense, I’ve complied a starter list of facts to help us get in the mindset of hating Jordan Love. A hate cheat sheet, if you will. This list will be regularly updated with new facts throughout the next 15 inevitable years of him teabagging the Vikings.
#1 He hates his family
Like father, like son. In addition to learning how to lead the offense, apparently Love also learned how to neglect his family from Rodgers. It only took him one week as a starter to be elite at that too. Didn’t even buy his own mom tickets to the game.
If your mom needs to get tickets for your own game from an opponent, you’re a bad son. That’s just a fact.
#2 He disrespects women
Not only does he shun his own family, but he also seemingly doesn’t value the women in his life like the queens they are.
Last row for your girlfriend AND your mom?? Must not respect women, huh?
At least he got them tickets this time. Not my QB.
#3 He’s a drug addict
Arrested for possession of marijuana. Shame. Shame. Shame. What kind of example is this guy setting for the youth of America? He’s a danger to society.
(the charges were later dropped and he has no criminal record, but that part is irrelevant.)
#4 He’s a bad role model
Not only did he get arrested in 2019, Jordan Love also has also committed a litany of other crimes.
In 2018, Jordan Love got arrested for possession of 20+ pounds of marijuana and other illegal substances.
In 2010, Jordan Love was arrested for obstruction of justice.
This guy can’t stop committing crimes. He’s a menace and needs to be stopped.
(neither of these arrests were the actual Jordan Love, but that’s also irrelevant.)
#5 He might support the Taliban
Fact: Jordan Love has never publicly came out against the Taliban.
Why would he do that? It’s such a simple thing. All you have to say is “I officially denounce the actions of the Taliban and Al-Qaeda.” The fact that he hasn’t came out and said anything raises a lot of questions.
What is he hiding? Does he secretly align himself with their morals? Where exactly was he on 9/11?
These are all questions worth asking next time a Packer fan tries to brag about their new fancy QB. Who could trust a guy like that? Not me.
Mark your calendars for October 29th. Jordan Love hate week is coming soon. Prepare for war.
below average at a few things. bad at a lot of things. Minnesota sports sad boi.