Everyone on the planet has things that they want to improve on in 2023. Statistically, most people wont last more than two weeks with any substantial changes disguised as resolutions. Don’t take that the wrong way, there’s no shaming here. Hell, for the third year in a row I want to have better posture and less screen time. Day one was easy, but I know I’ll be hunched over looking like a cocktail shrimp staring at TikToks soon enough. I think that Hannah Montana put it best when she said, “Everybody Makes Mistakes“. Now, it’s time to right the ship and get back on track. These are 5 things you need in 2023.
First and foremost, none of this is a paid ad for any product or service. This is, lacking a better term, for the love of the game. Just a few things that make life easier or better in some way that you need to know about. I’m not Nick Lewis, so this is a much shorter list than you may be accustomed to at 10K. With that said, there’s no time to waste.1: A Goddamn Skincare Routine
Over the last couple of years, we’ve all lived Thicc Boi Summer, and it’s been glorious. Many people no longer have to physically go into work and you can avoid as much human interaction as you want to. With that kind of schedule, it’s pretty easy to neglect your self care. In the year of our lord 2023, we’re taking a different approach. One that includes looking better than ever. For too long the ladies have hidden their technology, culture, and methods from the likes of men. That ends now. We’re now officially in the skin care game.
Most guys I know will use some combination of body wash, residual shampoo, or a bar of soap to wash their face. While that’s still better than nothing, it ain’t doing what you think it is. More importantly, if you’re only doing it in the shower, it’s probably too infrequent. Run to the store, grab a couple of things and get in the habit of running through the steps before bed. It’s easy and the payoff is astounding.
What to Buy:
If you’re from ‘Tonka, Eden Prairie, or Edina and have got a little bit of daddy’s money to back you, might as well go full hardo and drop a couple hundy for the best of the best at Kiehl’s. You’ll know all of it is great and your bathroom stuff will all match. Don’t underestimate how much of an upgrade that is to your bathroom décor. Plus, the 75 people in the store will be fighting with one another to get you set up with a full list of exactly what you need. With that being said, it is a little (very) unnecessary.Honestly any product that says CeraVe will be fine and you can get it just about anywhere. If you wanna skip any of the steps, pass the serum and eye cream and you’ll be just fine. On the other hand, if you’re diving head first into this, make sure you get an AM face lotion w/ SPF protection in it and a PM one without. Take it from an old man, because a few years down the road…you’ll thank me.
If you’re a skeptic about the process, I don’t blame you. However, if you think that Tom Brady would have been able to age in reverse without a skincare routine, you’re a mad man. A certified lunatic at that. The man is 45 years old and looks better than everyone in the room. Some have even said he’s absolutely flawless in every way. Sculpted by the gods themselves. You want a shot at that reputation? Wash your face, you idiot.
2: Silicone Hair and Body Scrubbers
Before we get into it, these are two separate things and that’s important. If you wanna buy a 2-in-1 tool that’s got one on each side, that’s your prerogative. As long as you’re using the right side for it’s intended purpose, you’re gucci. If you’re just using your hand to slap on some body wash or push a bar of soap around in the shower, you’re probably a dirty, dirty boy…and not in the good way. Even if you’ve got a loofa, all that thing is doing is collecting dead skin and bacteria. The silicone bristles on these bad boys don’t do that. You have got to get to scrubbing and you’ve got to start now.
If you’re not using one of these already in 2023 and/or don’t go out and buy one after reading, you’re living a lesser life. That’s all fine and well, but the simple fact is that you don’t pull a goddess like Giselle with dandruff and dry, flaky skin. Not only that, but look at the women tossing themselves at my guy immediately after the divorce papers were signed too. Unfortunately, I’ve never seen Tom Brady’s shower but I’ll guarantee he’s got both of these things in there.
3: A Rechargeable Fabric Shaver
Have you ever wanted to prolong the life of all your clothes? Hate wearing around something that looks like you pulled it out of the lint trap? This is the answer. This thing takes all those little pills and frays off of your clothes in a matter of seconds. Even if you’re not capable of coloring inside the lines, you’ll be able to figure it out. Just quit looking like a bum and get one. All the cool kids are doing it.
The only caveat or excuse to not buy one is to buy new clothes all the time. That or spend the money for a higher quality product. The new “Brady” clothing line fits that mould. It’s made with such high quality materials you may be able to get away from buying one all together. That being said, I’d still grab it just in case.
4: A professional barber/stylist
This is not a dig at the major chains. Great Clips, Super Cuts, and Sport Clips all have their place in society. The problem is that people forget where that place is. They’re for children (who all have unkempt hair anyways), young adults still trying to “stack that bread”, and the individuals who have already given up. If you’re just going for a buzz cut, why wouldn’t you just do it at home? If you’re DESPERATE to get lined up or need to get it last-minute, then your hands are tied as well. That’s about it though.
Once you graduate to a true barber/stylist, I can promise you won’t go back. The vibes are ALWAYS better, the lines are cleaner, and if you find a REALLY good one, they’ll be able to tell you what is and isn’t working for you, specifically. That being said, prepare yourself for the sticker shock because it will hit you. While you don’t have to pay $50+tip to find a competent barber/stylist, you’re going to have to pay a little bit more for the upgrade in service(s).
Recommended Spots
As far as the Twin Cities go, there are a few select places I can recommend. Elizabeth’s and Saints Coast are perfect spots to get that classic barbershop feel in the St. Paul area. Marty’s (Styled by Jon Charles) is my choice in the North Loop of Minneapolis, just don’t get sucked into the rest of the Martin Patrick 3 store, or you’ll have to mortgage your parents’ house before you can check out. The only thing to be cautious of is that your stylist WILL be talking about you when you’re done.
The only thing that gets more attention than a really good cut, is a really bad one. Remember when Brady had his long hair and looked like a goofball? Think about how much he was (and still is) made fun of for that time period. Don’t let that be you. Since he started to put effort into his hair, his career path changed forever. Look good, feel good. Feel Good, play good. Play good, pay good. It’s so simple.
5: A GOOD pair of Sunglasses
Everybody looks cooler with a good pair of sunglasses on. Don’t ask me how or why, but it’s a simple fact of life and you know it. As a four-eyed loser who either has to buy prescription sunnies or suffer through contacts, I’ve always been jealous of you normies who can just throw on any random pair and set off. That’s a certain level of freedom that’s always taken for granted far too often and by far too many.
There’s a whole sub-culture around sunglasses and there are plenty of brands to choose from. Some people choose to rock Pit Vipers…for some reason. Others are brand loyalists to places like Ray Ban or Oakley. While they all offer a certain vibe, there’s one brand that has a line standing head-and-shoulders above the rest. The Brady collaboration with Christopher Cloos. Style, comfort, and functionality. A truly complete weapon.
Wrap It Up
While there are certainly more fun or important things you could be buying for yourself, I stand by every one of these items. Each of them are sure to improve your life this year in one way or another. While you may not be a future hall of famer that’s been in the top league for more than half of your life while still finding a way to break records at 45 years old…at least you can feel like it.
Note: Should this list have been seven things so that the cover image was showing off every one of Tom’s rings? Yeah, probably. But this is what you get, so deal with it.
I’ve been hit by cars three times, which is an indication of how stubborn I am.
I write about everything across the board, but focus on Hockey and the pain that is Minnesota sports.
Argue with me on Twitter: @venividiveech