People would think Jake Cousins is an ordinary guy…but he’s not. People who impersonate Kirk Cousins don’t live a normal life like you and me, they don’t put their pants on one leg at a time. They do things far greater than average people could ever imagine in just a 12 hour span. They are not only the stars of the internet, but stars of the real world.I’m here to walk you through the events that occurred on Sunday and see which Kirk has a better day.
Kickoff (11:59 AM CT)
The impersonation begins. While the
real other Kirk prepares for one of the toughest games of the year on the field, Jake Cousins makes videos pretending to be him while showing his sign claiming to be THE REAL KIRK COUSINS. Both men are preparing to perform under extreme pressure and execute their craft. We can assume Jake had a few cocktails before the game, so he’s feeling no pain while Kirk’s ribs are screaming bloody murder louder than the drunk fans claiming Jimmy G would be a better option for the Vikings.
Kirk – 0
Halftime (1:40 PM CT)The impersonation continues. Fans begin snapping photos with Jake and apparently he is getting recognition all over the stadium at this point. In this photo, Jake looks absolutely clipped. So I’m interested to find out how other interactions have been going around the stadium. But based on the halftime score, I’m guessing the fans are much more excited to see Jake rather than Kirk.
Jake – 2
Kirk – 0
3rd Quarter (2:06 PM CT)
If the Vikings can’t win a Super Bowl at least someone did in this stadium. Jake Cousins, a man of the people, pulled off the ultimate stunt at US Bank Stadium on December 26, 2021, the Year of Our Lord. He showed the 77,000 people in attendance on the biggest screen in Minnesota (Probably, I don’t know, I’m not doing the research if there is a bigger one) who the REAL Kirk Cousins is. Like I said, normal people don’t even dream of getting this far in their lifetime. Jake Cousins won his super bowl and Kirk Cousins has yet to win his.Jake – 3
Kirk – 0
Post game (6:20 PM CT)
Despite the fact that Vikings got their playoff hopes rammed to hell, Jake Cousins was still going to celebrate his massive achievement. Win or lose, the only play in Jake Cousins’ playbook is to booze. In stunning fashion, Jake Cousins baby birds what appears to be a large amount of Tito’s Vodka (Not a sponsor, but open to it… Sup Northland Vodka). The people watching at home could only pray this didn’t result in him getting a ride home from the ambulance. Although washing down the pain of that game with vodka is much easier than Milk.
Jake – 4
Kirk – 0
Post Post Game (11:34 PM)
Right when you think Jake Cousins life couldn’t get any better, he meets a couple of young ladies at the bar that decide to give him the double kiss. An absolute iconic photo that will be more famous than that of Steffon Digs performing the Minneapolis Miracle. Yes the real Kirk got to go home to a stable relationship with his wonderful wife Julie, but Jake Cousins doubled that in this photo.
Jake – 5
Kirk – 0
Final Score: Jake Cousins: 5 Kirk Cousins: 0
While I sat at home all night, battling a cold (definitely not COVID) and binging “World War 2 In Color” Jake was out making the jumbotron and attracting every girl in Minneapolis. Some of us are truly built different. Jakes been working hard on this impression for two years now, so I’m glad it’s finally paying dividends. Good for you, Jake Cousins.
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