A Skōsh of Schadenfreude: Suck it, Yankees

Baseball Entertainment Twins

The year is 2021 and the New York Yankees will officially not win the World Series…AGAIN! POP THE BOTTLES! LIGHT THE FIREWORKS! PARTY IN THE STREETS! The “Bronx Bombers” fell short in a loss to the Boston Red Sox in the one-game American League Wild Card. What a bunch of pathetic losers and bums.

There are few things in life that bring me as much joy as watching the Yankees lose. For the last 12 years, it’s been one glorious surrender cobra after another in the Bronx bleachers. The Yankee “Faithful” were hanging their heads well before the 7th inning stretch. Despite the score being relatively close, the Yankees never had a shot.

Narrator: They would, in fact, be stopped.

What might have been the most enjoyable part of the Yankees loss was not a play on the field at all. It was the broadcast call of a Stanton at-bat where he hit a single off of the world-famous Green Monster at Fenway. Not only did the broadcaster call it a home run and continue his dialogue after it clearly bounced off the wall, but when he questions himself by saying, “now, what’d I do wrong” I laughed harder than I have at any comedy show. Not only that, but referring to it as a “Stantonian” home run when it came up a “little short” made it all that much sweeter. (That’s a short joke if you’re not following along or familiar with his stature).

Living Life as a Hater

People often question me asking, “How can you be such a big Tom Brady fan, yet hate the Yankees so much”. Here’s the thing…I’m a Brady fan. To root for the Yankees, you also have to be a Cowboys and Lakers fan, and I’d never stoop to such depths. What kind of spineless, lowlife scum could simply root for the most popular team in every sport and change their allegiances year after year? Not me, that’s for sure.

Monthly Reminder that Lebron Sucks

Listen, I gave up thinking that our Minnesota Twins would be a World Series contender a LONG time ago. After 18-straight playoff losses, rooting for the Twins is like rooting for somebody to finally conquer old age. Eventually, it will happen…just not in my lifetime. The Yankees losing is the only other thing baseball-related that brings me joy. Hell, the Twins won’t even let fans make their own fun in the stands with cup snakes when the product on the field is so depressing. Sad!

So right, wrong, or otherwise, I will continue taking joy in other people’s (read: Yankee fans) pain. It’s all I’ve got left throughout the summer and on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturdays in the fall until college hockey starts. Attribute it to my German heritage if you must, but this guy’s a BIG fan of a little schadenfreude every now and then.