With a Wild loss in game 5, it might be time to overreact a little bit.

10 Things I’d Rather Have Than a Wild Loss

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Do you know what part of your brain creates your sports fandom? Also, don’t worry if you didn’t know your brain had multiple parts. I didn’t know Rascal Flatts was multiple people before this Monday, and I’m 25 years old. Anyway, all your memories and emotions involving sports live in a tiny piece of your brain known as the amygdala. The amygdala is responsible for everything you feel, especially after a Wild loss.

Contrary to the popular belief created by the popular scientific film The Waterboy…

The medulla oblongata does not play a major role in aggression. Aggression, emotional response, and fear comes from the amygdala. When Bobby goes psycho and decleats his professor, his amygdala is hard at work and not his medulla oblongata. Those same emotions of blinding rage, impending doom, and utter insanity you feel with a Wild loss all come from the amygdala. If I’m losing you with all the science, this example might make a little more sense. When you end up looking like this because your team lost…

It’s not your fault. Your brain controls those emotions unconsciously. There’s not much you can do about it besides be a good sport. Obviously, we’re not doing that nonsense. Instead, we let our amygdalas take control. Like what I’m about to do right now.

The Overreaction List of things I’d rather have than a Wild Loss:

10. Receive 4 life prison sentences.

I already have 1 life prison sentence as a Minnesota sports fan. What’s the harm in a few more?

9. Use a credit card with a 90% interest rate.

I won’t care what the interest rate is when I’m buying my championship gear.

8. Be blind and deaf.

Sometimes watching sports makes me want this anyway. The Wild’s 3rd period almost made this actually happen last night.

7. Have to eat the same food at every meal for the rest of my life.

I’m without a doubt choosing tacos. Any other answer is incorrect. Veggies, protein, and delicious flavors, tacos have it all. (Editor’s note: tacos for life is not really a punishment…some people get tattoos for this)

6. Watch every movie with no sound and just Spanish subtitles.

This one will at least make me more cultured. Maybe I’d even become bilingual eventually.

5. Have to learn how to read and write again.

Maybe some of you would argue I barely know how to do this anyway.

4. Go grocery and clothes shopping with my significant other every-time they go.

I could switch this one with ”torture” because they’re the same thing.

3. Be 5’9”.

At least I could sign off every blog with #shortkings.

2. Have the worst breath and BO of all time.

I think this is the only one that I might regret putting on here.

1. Never shoot under 100 in a round of golf ever again.

I saved this one for last because it shows all of you…I’m not messing around here.

In all honesty, the only thing I truly want other than a MN Wild win last night…ARE WINS IN GAMES 6 AND 7 BABY.