Alright, I know you might be reading the subject and thinking “is this guy really about to write about this?” And the answer to that is… Yes. Yes, I am.
Everyone knows that being on the middle floor of an apartment building is the absolute worst. You hear people above you and also have to worry about being too loud for the people below. So the real debate is left between two things. Would you rather be on the first or top floors of an apartment?
Scenario One: The Walk & Moving In
We all know the best thing about being on the first floor is having the shortest walk from the parking lot to the apartment. No one wants to walk up flights of stairs with groceries, and don’t even get me started about that walk after you accidentally deleted 37 beers at Cowboy Jack’s and don’t remember your middle name.
We also have to consider moving in. I’ve lived on the third floor in every apartment in my life and moving in is an absolute bitch. I can only imagine how much easier it is being on ground level. Scenario one easily goes to the first floor.
Scenario Two: Loudness
This is the one that really got me thinking. Would I rather be the one causing the noise or would I rather hear the noise? The one thing that bothers me is how you can hear the whereabouts of your upstairs neighbors because of their footsteps.
Clearly makes you think top floor, but after long consideration I personally think that the first floor is the winner. Being on the top floor you don’t have the freedom that you do on the first floor.
Have too many people over? FOOTSTEP complaints! Kyle and Brad start wrestling? NOISE complaints! This can all be avoided by being on the first floor. Fuck it, you can bring over your pogo stick.. Or can swanton bomb from the top rope without worrying about pissing off anyone below you.
Scenario Three: The View and Safety
Imma just to say this right away top floor wins this one 100%. Being on the top floor gives you the chance for the best thing in life, a good view. I don’t wanna worry about locking my windows and don’t wanna see people constantly walking outside my apartment windows. Put me on the top floor where I only have to worry about my fire escape and my view.
Scenario Four: Smoking
Another short and easy but very important scenario. I don’t care if you’re a cig smoker or if you like to toke on some green goblin… no one, and I mean no one, wants to go sit in their cold car or be outside in this shitty ass weather. Obviously you can just say fudge it and light it up inside but then there are always the worries of hearing that knock knock on your door or getting a complaint (originally wrote this when weed was still frowned upon).
Being on the top floor is exactly what you need as a smoker, less foot traffic outside your room and you don’t need to worry about the smoking going up into someone else’s apartment… wallah. Easy point for the top floor… Turn on a movie, open a window and let the birds worry about everything else.
Author’s Note: I originally typed this article a little over two year ago. One thing I’ve realized since is that cig smokers simply do not feel the cold. All they need is a cig and a lighter and they are golden.
Judges Decision
After reading each of the four scenarios it seems to me that we have a 2-2 tie.
It seems as if this is in my hands now to decide.
Personally, before I wrote this blog I was 100% on top floor team. Every time I go to a hotel I hope I’m on the highest floor possible. I always figured the same would apply with apartments.
I forget a lot of stuff in my car so scenario one is pretty important to me. If I save 8 seconds of walking, 6 times a day that would save me about 3 hours a year.
I also have some pretty loud friends who have elephant feet when they walk so I would prefer the first floor and rather listen to people above me and not worry about me being the one getting the complaint.
Scenarios three and four easily went to the top floor, I wanna be able to have my windows open in the summer and not have to worry about whether I lock them.
The view is just an added bonus.
So after getting the scorecards from the judges (me) it seems we have a split decision win for…
Top Floor (Split Decision)
Do you disagree? Let’s hear it!
Some people call me MarTy and some people call me Ryan. Wildcard when it comes to my writing. #FadeMe if I ever tweet out “locks”.