Bidets All the Way: A Guide to a More Pleasurable #2 Experience

Everything Else

Well shit (beware of incoming poop puns). I recently had the pleasure of using a bidet. Boy let me tell you, it was an experience unlike any other. As a recent sharter, a bidet really would’ve come in handy. Just think, that mess would’ve been a lot easier to clean up, plus I wouldn’t be down a pair of boxers (send me a Venmo, @Aaron-Johnson-83 as I don’t get paid enough). Anyways, I’m going to highlight why YOU (everyone shits, right) should invest in a bidet.

Environmentally Sensitive

First off, there isn’t a desperate need for TP (save the trees). While you probably want some TP, a bidet makes you feel that you’re doing something good for the environment. That’s gotta be a plus for all the global warming that is going on. Plus, you’ll save a few bucks by not having to add TP or flushable wipes to your grocery trip.


This brings me to my number two reason (see what I did there), you should get in on the Bidet Gang. The bidet I used had a heat option. Is there anything worse in the harsh Minnesota winter than sitting on porcelain and having an immediate regret for your cheeks (this is a rhetorical question)? Having some nicely warm buns, truly made this experience more enjoyable and gives it the advantage over us regular pooers.

*Not actual image of heater with bidet*


A third evolution of this investment is the cleaning options. You could change the direction of the spray. Now, for those of you who haven’t read the Wikipedia article I linked, essentially there is a stream of water that can be applied for a full clean. Do you need to get a little bit more clean underneath, the bidet has got you. Additionally, with the cleaning feature, you can increase/decrease the pressure. Was that jet stream of water too powerful, don’t worry, turn that down a few notches and you’ll be set.


Another highlight of this wonderful bit of technology is hands-free. This particular bidet was controlled on a wall. You don’t need to touch the actual flush handle of the toilet. Just think about all the germs that the handle has, yuck. Anyways, you simply get up after you conclude your business and press the button, viola!

I hope you’ll consider joining the Bidet Gang, but hey, if not join our Newsletter Gang!

Sign up to be in the newsletter gang

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.