Y’all wanna see a dead body?


Last night there was a murder, and I’m not even upset with it… I may even be okay with it.

In game one between Winnipeg and Montreal, we witnessed an absolutely electrifying moment that caused Twitter to explode.


Jake Evans (ON HIS GOD DAMN BIRTHDAY OF ALL DAYS) was absolutely annihilated by Mark Schiefele putting the empty netter away to put the Habs up 1-0 in the series and needless to say, Hockey Twitter is absolutely outraged.


What these soft dorks don’t seem to remember is that if you keep your head down, you’re going to get buried, or at the very least, catch the equivalent of a stone cold stunner (give me a hell yeah!).

Analysis of the hit: feet planted, hit through the chest, and did not get airborne until post-contact. End result: clean hit, no suspension necessary. Mr. Parros from the department of player safety can take a break, I’ve got this one and it’s plain as day clean.

What people tend to forget is that Scheifele is like the nicest guy in the world too, some might even call him the Kirk Cousins of the NHL. He doesn’t even use curse words! My toddler uses curse words for fucks sake.

I mean for fricks sake, we are talking about hockey here, right? Frickin hockey is tough, 5 frickin minutes for fighting. Frick. I’m disgusted at how soft we are turning when it comes to simple hockey plays. It’s an unfortunate end result, but as my fat camp counselor use to say “you gotta keep your chins up kid.”