Connor Bedard: The Future of Filth & Flow in the NHL

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connor bedard
Photo: KEITH HERSHMILLER PHOTOGRAPHY

In case you didn’t know, in a couple of years there will be a new Connor entering the NHL. Actually… scratch that. He won’t just be entering the league, he will be terrorizing it like mosquitoes surrounding a buzzed Minnesota bonfire. His name you ask? Connor Bedard.

Let’s start things off here with a couple of clips to get you feeling all weird and tingly inside.

WTF???
Ope… sorry! Let me just sneak past ya real quick.
Umm… Patty Kane anyone?

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If those goals weren’t enough to sell you on Connor Bedard then I have some more insight on the 15-year-old phenom for you. To put it simply, in the hockey world, you are either exceptionally good looking or you are fucking ugly. There is really no in-between. Bedard falls into the exceptionally good looking category.

Let’s break this picture down for example…

Photo: THE ROD PETERSON SHOW

Now, I know it’s grainy but bare with me here.

First… THE HAIR. I see volume, highlights, and a perfectly feathered head of organic butter lettuce there.

Second… THE EYEBROWS. Far too often we are seeing star hockey players not giving a shit about their eyebrows. So thank you Connor for being a pioneer.

Third… THE VOLUPTUOUS LIPS. Any female (or male, let’s be honest), regardless of age, would certainly be chomping at the bit to get a single smack of those bad boys.

Fourth and finally, THE KIND EYES. One look into those beauties and you are destined for a trip into the great beyond. These are the eyes that simply say “Hey. I know it’s been rough out there, but you’re safe now.”

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To further this point, let’s take a look at the last five first-overall picks in the NHL.

2020: Alexis Lafrenière, UGLY AS SHIT

2019: Jack Hughes, KINDA OKAY

2018: Rasmus Dahlin, UGLY AS SHIT

2017: Nico Hischier, ALMOST UGLY

2016: Auston Matthews, UGLY AS SHIT (editor’s note: strongly disagree, Auston is hot as fuck)

For a league that’s looking to attract a younger audience, that’s certainly a tough look from a marketing standpoint. Luckily for the NHL, Bedard will bursting onto the scene in 2023 with both his charming looks and godly hockey skills.

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When you blend the two worlds of exceptionally good hockey player and exceptionally good looking, you get a pioneer. And in this case, you get Connor Bedard.