Now that the Seattle Expansion Draft, 2021 NHL Entry Draft, and NHL Free Agency are over with (for the most part), everyone is naturally dissecting their teams and their outlook moving forward. For myself, I began thinking the same thing… but in a much different way.
The more signings the Wild made, the more I started to realize something. That something was that some of their new defensemen (sorry Alex Goligoski) the Wild picked up have unique, wonderful heads of hair. And let’s make one thing clear… I’m not talking about your average fuck boi “hockey hair.” I’m talking about something wonderful and a blend all their own.
Between three key “new” members of the Wild’s defensive core (I say that because Calen Addison has been with the team for a year now), they have some of the most luscious locks that the NHL has to offer. So that then begs the question… does the Wild’s new defensive core have the best hair in the NHL? Let’s dissect.
Calen Addison
If you’ve been a fan of the Wild at any point the past two years, you know who Calen Addison is. He is the key piece that the Wild got back in the Jason Zucker trade and will be a staple on the blueline in the years to come.
His hair? Gorgeous. Growing up I thought curls and perms were only for the Moms of the world. Apparently, I was young and naive because that’s not at all the case here. Addison looks like he’s straight out of a Garnier Fructis commercial.
And the perfectly primmed sleeping bag on his lip? Forget about it. Let’s drink some beers soon, Calen.
Dmitry Kulikov
Hold it… did I just see this dude on the Bachelor last night?! Holy shit. After signing a two-year contract with the Wild on Wednesday, Kulikov debuted this blonde, baby chick hair via Zoom with media members and it didn’t disappoint.
Is it white? Yellow? Platinum? Is it beachy? Bleachy? Was he in a boy band in the 90s? Whatever it is, it has my attention. For now, let’s just call it the expired chunk of romaine lettuce you left in your fridge.
Jon Merrill
When I picked up my 12-pack of Labatt Blue on my way home from work at North Branch liquors, I swear this dude was in front of me picking up a 30-rack of Hamms. As he left the liquor store, he immediately went to the Holiday gas station across the street to buy a sack of tobacco to roll his own cigs at home because they “taste better” that way. As he left Holiday, I noticed the brass, veiny set of balls dangling from the back of his truck hitch.
It was at that moment I knew… that this is the fucking coolest guy on the planet.
Welcome to Minnesota, Jon Merrill!
Well folks… there they are! Calen Addison, Dmitry Kulikov, and Jon Merrill. The three faces that give the new Wild defensive core the best hair in the NHL.