Dry January Is A Horrible Idea In Minnesota

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New Year. New Me. Is what a lot of people say at the beginning of every new year after 12 months of physically and mentally beating their bodies to a pulp. New Diet? Enjoy that for a week. Maybe read more? Don’t be a nerd. Quit drinking for a month? Now you’re just being fucking ridiculous. Dry January is a HORRIBLE idea in Minnesota. And I’m here to tell you why, even though it’s really fucking obvious.

Sports! Yeah, We’re A Playoff State Baby!

How often do the Vikings make the playoffs?

As a Minnesota sports fan this doesn’t happen every year. And in no way is it guaranteed every year. I would say there’s a fairly decent chance that the Vikings game this Sunday will be the only playoff game amongst the big 4 this year for us.


So you know what? I’m gonna enjoy the hell out of this game. Now, this isn’t to say everyone’s gotta get shit canned to enjoy the game, but kicking back at Tom’s Watch Bar having a few brews with the 10k Crew sounds pretty dope.

And in case we lose on Sunday… I could see a few dry January folks making an exception (or 12).

The God Damn Weather

Most of you have probably noticed the weather the past couple of weeks. Especially since the turn of the new year. In the first week of January we received over a foot of snow.

Fuck that.

Who wants to deal with that shit?! Driving around is a pain in the ass. Our Vikings are getting stuck out there.

Then after trying not to die on your way home you get to shovel your own shit. All that stress can really take a toll on a guy. Another reason to sit back with a cocktail and relax before this long and harsh Minnesota winter takes its toll on you.

Pick A Different Month

I would like to promote people being healthier and better people (God knows I could use it). But I just don’t see a world where I quit the sauce while I’m dealing with the stress of the Vikings in the playoffs, as well as knowing that the Wild and Wolves might stink AND dealing with a Minnesota winter.

I would rather do like an April.

No football. Timberwolves are probably out of it. NHL playoffs haven’t started (if it matters). March Madness just ended. No St. Patrick’s Day interference. Dry January is a horrible idea in Minnesota. I’m in for No Alcohol April. Maybe. I guess remind me on April first and we’ll see what happens.