Eden Prairie Is #1 On The Ice and The Road

Everything Else Power Rankings Uncategorized

First Off…Marlow FUCKED EP In His MN Boys High School Hockey Jersey Power Rankings Blog

It’s tough to talk about Minnesota High School sports without Eden Prairie coming up naturally. Exspecially when it comes to hockey and football.

You can take out the pure dominant hurt that Eden Prairie has put on opposing schools and they would still be #1.

However, when Marlow omitted EP from his power rankings I thought to myself “No wonder why he grows such a majestic beard, he needs to look intimidating to make up for all the dumb shit that comes out of his mouth”.


Plan and Simply: EP’s Jerseys F*ck… Hard


This get-up is clean and refined. No need to be flashy.

They got their number everywhere so you know who’s beating your ass. Simple black, red and white stripes accompanied by the classic “EP” with a majestic soaring eagle. This is no Apple Valley or Kennedy Eagle either. This is an eagle that signifies victory and dominance.

No disrespect to the other team’s on Marlow’s list, but something needed to be said. There is one thing in his blog we all can agree on…Edina can eat shit.

Prestigious Suburb’s Have Prestigious Police Squads

This truly is the most Eden Prairie thing Eden Prairie could’ve done.

Electric cars, are becoming more and more of a common sight on the roads. One thing I’ve never seen though is a Tesla Police car.

I’m sure they’re playing the “green” card and most likely this will become a more common trend but what a fucking dunk on the other burbs. Eden Prairie already has a reputation that gets smeared with second-fiddle cities like Edina. I believe that Eden Prairie is just trying to protect and serve while doing the same for our planet. Edina would get something like this to just patrol “50th and France”, to make sure no one without a Tesla could enjoy the area. What a bunch of assholes.

Where Do They Go Now?

What else could Eden Prairie possibly need? We got the State Championship, the best hockey sweaters, and by far the coolest cop cars. We’re gonna be rolling with Elon on patrol from now on.

God Bless you, Eden Prairie. You truly are #1 on the roads, and #1 in our hearts.