Golf.
A game of focus, execution, and most importantly of all, drinking.When one of those three becomes disrupted, the entire round might be at stake. Unfortunately, I had this happen to me this past Monday.
My buddy, Alex, and I decided to try to fit in 18 holes after work at one of our favorite Golf courses, Oak Marsh. Once we paid, the guy who checked us in said that there was a foursome of kids in front of us and assured us that we could play through if we asked.I was not very pleased to hear either of those things. Normally there’s not much of a wait here, but the back 9 is long and multiple tee times like to be on the same hole, creating massive delays.
I assumed that this was the case here as well and that we would be stuck behind these kids.
We got to the tee box and saw the kids. I struck up a conversation with them by asking how old they were. All four said they were 11. Once I figured I had an in, I quickly asked them if we could start in front of them. We cited some bull shit excuse about how we have college papers due tonight (though we both graduated this year already). You know what the little shit said to me? “Not happening, bro”.
Despite what the guy at the pro shop said, Alex and I started on the 1st hole.
I was shown up in Golf by an 11 year old
Alex and I began our round and got off to a good start. A few pars here, a few bogies there, and a birdie.Everything was working. We were able to maintain our focus, execute our shots, and have plenty of alcoholic beverages.
Along the way, we were able to catch glimpses of the kids we had saw earlier. They were definitely playing fast… Naruto running with their bags on their backs.
Once we got to the 10th hole’s tee box, we had another encounter with the kids. They appeared to be trying to play the back nine again, to which I didn’t have a problem with. I was in a good mood. I decided to be the bigger man and let them play through. However, they insisted Alex and I hit first.
After a horrific hit, I walked back to the golf cart with my tail between my legs. I then heard one of the kids say “nice shot”, then laughed.
I encouraged them to step up to the tee box so I could watch them hit their shots. Yes, I’m 22. These kids are 11. However, if I’m going to be heckled, at least have something to back it up with regardless of your age. One of the kids, the one that initially told me to basically fuck off, stepped up to the tee box with his driver. Let’s say his practice swings were comparable to Charles Barkley, pre-swing fix. Yes, I’m clowning an 11 year old, BUT THEY STARTED IT.
He then smashes it about 260 yards right down the middle of the fairway. TWO-HUNDRED AND SIXTY YARDS. At 11 years old.
This is when I started to lose it. I knew I would not be able to focus after being shown up by this kid.
Course Minimum Age Limits PLEASE
To avoid any future collapses like this in the future and to avoid being heckled/shown up by children, I am petitioning to have a minimum age limit at golf courses on the weekdays after 5pm and weekends after 4pm. That minimum age limit magical number?
12 years old. Totally arbitrary number, really.
Of course, if those under 12 are accompanied by a parent or legal guardian, they may play without restriction.
I don’t want what happened to me to happen to a fellow golfer. Prior to this horrific incident, I was consistently shooting around 9-11 over par in a given around. Not too shabby for someone who picked it up about 3 years ago. Since this attempt on my self esteem, I’ve golfed a few times and have not been the same. Who knows if I will ever return to form?
Golf courses across America; hear me out. Please implement this new age restriction.
Former professional High School Baseball player. 12 Handicap Golfer. Patrick Reusse blocked me for calling him old.