Gophers QB Tanner Morgan Tests Positive…


There was some breaking news out of Dinkytown early Friday morning, Minnesota Gophers quarterback Tanner Morgan has tested positive for being absolutely fucking elite. That’s right, Morgan has earned the title that University of Delaware prodigy Joe Flacco has always wanted, ELITE.


I mean come on Tanner Morgan is by far the best quarterback this program has ever seen with Mitch Leidner being a close second. Morgan is also the best overall football player this program has seen since the late 1920’s when Bronko Nagurski was smashing heads with his leather helmet.


Morgan will start his Heisman campaign this Saturday when the Golden Gophers take on the Michigan Wolverines, featuring Head Coach Jim Harbaugh. My sources were able to confirm earlier today that Harbaugh, the dad of Jake from State Farm, will indeed be wearing his khakis this weekend and he will indeed get very mad at some point. Bank on it.

Back to Tanner Morgan, let’s take a look at the 2020 Heisman odds…

Trevor Lawrence and Justin Fields are Morgan’s biggest competitors when it comes to winning the Heisman but last time I checked they didn’t complete more than 90% of their passes in multiple games last year. Which in my eyes means Morgan automatically becomes the unanimous winner of the coveted award.

As for USC QB Kedon Slovis, who has 3rd highest odds for the Heisman, Well actually I got nothing.

Morgan, who is tied for the fourth best odds to win the Heisman, is so elite that I am already declaring him the Heisman Trophy Winner right now. There really is not any point in playing the season, might as well have Morgan’s happy ass walk across that stage now. I truly cannot wait to watch Morgan star in those cheesy ass Heisman House commercials on ESPN.

Yeah sure, Lawrence and Fields may be really good, but last time I checked they were not the quarterback that led his team to the most wins since 1904. Who did that? Yeah that’s right, the ELITE Tanner Fucking Morgan.

Row The Boat


Go Gophers