Disney. The happiest place on earth. It’s a magical place where children can meet characters from their favorite movies in real life. A place you can join your superhero of choice in combat and then take a 5-minute walk down the street to dunk on Voldemort at Hogwarts. It’s full of whimsy, adventure, and…fucking weirdos.For those of you out there that are unaware, there is a whole sect and subculture of adults who are legitimately OBSESSED with all things Disney. Notice I said subculture and didn’t identify them as sub-human, although both probably work. I’m talking three to four trips a year to visit the park. Every new ride, new restaurant, and new experience results in a trip to the swamps and swass of Orlando. These HAVE TO be the same people that had a membership to the Olive Garden rewards program (RIP) and think that it’s authentic Italian cooking.
As the coronavirus pandemic worsened in the US through 2020, Disney made the decision to close the park down. It remained closed for 412 days and reopened to guests on April 30, 2021. It wasn’t the kids who were in line first to walk through the gates, it was these Disney
freaks fanatics. There were full-grown adults sobbing and collapsing from the emotion that a theme park had re-opened. The world hasn’t seen that level of overacting since Agamemnon led an army to war against Troy.
Who still visits Disney/Florida anyways?
Contrary to popular belief, there are only a handful of reasons to go to Florida. 1) You’re retiring because your old ass joints can’t handle the cold anymore. 2) You’re trying to watch Tom Brady win yet another super bowl in Tampa Bay. 3) you’re trying to catch a glimpse of the greatest golfer of all time, Tiger Woods in Jupiter. 4) You’re on a culinary tour of sandwiches and need to check off an authentic Cuban in Miami followed up by a couple of grams of nose-candy. 5) You’re going to Disney World.Listen, I love Disney as much as the next (normal) person. Despite their well-documented horny nature, they’ve got classic movies that parents have relied on to distract their kids for generations. With that being said, there are only two reasons to visit Disney as an adult. You’re either a furry looking to get freaky with the mascots, or you’re drinking around the world at Epcot. A full day of the latter may lead to the former for some people, but no hate, no shade…we don’t kink shame at 10K.
I won’t name names, but there are some people at 10K (@jackkewitsch) who VOLUNTARILY went to that hell-hole of a state for an extended period of time. Not only that, but they still rant and rave about how good it was! I’m not saying that brings their take credibility into question, but others are talking. I’m just here to report the facts.
I’ve been hit by cars three times, which is an indication of how stubborn I am.
I write about everything across the board, but focus on Hockey and the pain that is Minnesota sports.
Argue with me on Twitter: @venividiveech