A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich. End of Debate.

Is a hot dog a sandwich? This is a question that has been asked since…well…the invention of hot dogs. Sure, it’s gotten a lot more traction and press with the internet, but it’s certainly not “new”. As with any debate that’s this old, the question has already been answered. It’s definitively a sandwich, and if you think otherwise, you’re subhuman.

In 1856 Charles Feltman invented the Hot Dog that we know today. He took a delicious German frankfurter and slapped that baby in between an elongated roll and started selling it on the streets of Coney Island. Later, when Feltman had his own restaurant, the item was listed on the menu as a “Frankfurter Sandwich” as shown in archived photos. Now, you’ve already established yourself as a moron if you think it isn’t a sandwich, but I don’t know how you’re going to argue with the guy who invented it. For some reason, people still try.

Common Arguments

Throughout time, there have been many arguments on the topic. Hell, Marlow even wrote about whether Hamburgers are sandwiches or not (they are) earlier this summer. While there are some actual intelligent questions being asked and conversations to be had, there is a lot of word vomit out there too. Let me help you sort through the muck and make it as clear as possible.

“A Sandwich has Two Pieces of Bread”

If these words have ever come out of your mouth, you’re either an idiot or you’re lazy. You clearly haven’t put any thought into the subject and are just being a contrarian. It’s ok to admit it. You’re telling me nothing at Subway, Firehouse, Jimmy Johns, Quiznos, or any of the other 37 sandwich chains are sandwiches either? We all play devil’s advocate once in a while. It’s never too late to grow as a person and admit when you’re wrong.

An important addition to the counter-argument here is the meatball sub. It boils down to little more than ground beef rolled into a sphere, placed between a split loaf, and smothered with sauce. If you can accept that as a sandwich, but not a hot dog…you’re just choosing to be difficult. Cylindrical ground pork product, in a split bun, smothered in sauce. Sounds pretty similar if you ask me.

“You don’t call it/order a Hot Dog Sandwich”

If this is your argument, I need you to think hard about something. Have you ever used the phrase ATM Machine? On a related note, how about PIN number? I’ll bet you have. You see how stupid some things sound, yet they’re just widely accepted?

That’s what’s happened with the sandwich. It would be redundant to add “sandwich” when ordering things like a Philly Cheesesteak, Reuben, Cuban, Turkey Club, Croque Madame, or Bahn Mi. You don’t order any of these with “sandwich” at the end, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re still sandwiches.

“It’s a Taco, Follow The Cube Theory”

I’ll be the first to admit that this was amusing and well put together. The trivial nature, sarcasm, and illustrations make it peak internet content. It recaps general points of where the argument has come from and just how much trivial (and unnecessary) fighting there has been surrounding the topic.

Having said that, it’s complete rubbish. Using their logic, steak is a salad and a Big Mac is a cake. Do you really want to align yourself with those people? I didn’t think so.

The Raw Dog Data

If you’re still not convinced at this point, it’s obvious that you just don’t like facts. Although I’m always right and have never once been proven to be wrong in my whole life, these aren’t even just my opinions.

What you may not know, is that I’ve put the time in and done even more groundbreaking research myself. You should trust me for the same reason you blindly trust a pilot when boarding the plane. Experience.

What’s Inside

Some people’s argument is that a hot dog isn’t a sandwich because it’s “just a hot dog”. Ok, well what the hell does that even mean? It’s ground, processed, pork that’s then shaped into a cylinder and cured. Know what else fits that mold? Actually, lots of stuff does, but most importantly for this research, bologna.

You may not want to admit it, but facts are facts. They look the same. They smell the same. Hell, if you close your eyes, they taste the same. Despite the disturbing nature of the photos below, you can see for yourself.

Does Size Shape Matter

Now, there’s absolutely no debate in America (or anywere else) that bologna between bread is a goddamn sandwich. So, with that in mind, why is there ANY confusion about hot dogs? Sure, one is normally cooked vs the other being cold and it’s packed tighter so it doesn’t look the same, but that’s where the differences stop. Don’t want to admit it yet? Well, the evidence is damning and hasn’t been this clear since the OJ and Casey Anthony trials. Sure they got off, but that just goes to show you, people can be wrong when it’s so very, very clear what is right.

The Answer

It’s a sandwich.

Bonus Feature: Pork Roll

While we’re on the topic of processed Pork, it’s my legal obligation to spread the word of the pork roll. If you haven’t been to New Jersey, there’s a good chance you haven’t heard of pork roll. What is it? Well, that’s honestly hard to say. Somewhere in the gray area between Ham, Spam, Bologna, and Hot Dogs, the pork roll came to be. Tony Siragusa is the only person on earth to eat it every day and survive past 30…allegedly.

The salty, subtly smoky and gloriously fatty pork log is sliced thick. From there, it’s laid onto a flat top grill/griddle, so that all of that surface area can caramelize and obtain the perfect char. While it’s good on it’s own, its traditionally paired with melty cheese and topped with an egg in the morning. If you’re going to cheat on your diet and are craving an abnormally large hit of sodium, this is the way to do it.

Some people in northern New Jersey (wrongfully) call it Taylor Ham, but they all mean the same thing. Similar to squares and rectangles, all Taylor Ham is Pork Roll, but not all Pork Roll is Taylor Ham. I will say this though, if you’re steadfast in your defense of calling it “Taylor Ham” you’re willingly choosing to side with Snooki. Regardless of what you call it, it’s glorious. The perfect amalgamation and preparation of processed pork.