If you clicked on this link, you’re a sick puppy. But also, like, y’know, I get it. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back. So, here’s the deal. 10K is a business, and we were brainstorming some extra ways to make money and naturally the topic of OnlyFans came up. So, I’ve done some market research and scientifically determined which members of 10K would, hypothetically, have the most profitable OnlyFans accounts should they go down that route.
You know Producer Cam was going to have to be in this list. People say mean things about his appearance, and they shouldn’t. Not only is he a handsome son of a gun, but Cam already is putting out exclusive, arousing video content for the fans.
Watch Cam get his hair cut into a mullet at a Wild game and tell me you wouldn’t shell out $6.99/mo for more content like this.
Veech is another fella here who is drop dead gorgeous and has a voice that would make a Wolverine purr. If Veech decided to put his
college hockey cawlidge hawkey picks behind a paywall, you’d still turn a profit even after the subscription prices. Plus we already know the entire population of Hermantown will subscribe to support their number one defender, so that’s easily good for like $40 in monthly revenue services.
If I had one word to describe Auti’s OnlyFans account it would be this: smolder.
Yeah he’s married but I’ll be damned if this man isn’t an absolute smoke. He’s great with words too, so you can engage your mind while subscribed.
Danksy’s Instagram is an incredible vibe. It’s so sick that Minnesota Wild defenseman Daemon Hunt couldn’t tell if posts we showed him were his own or from Danks. Now just imagine that aesthetic behind a paywall. This has potential to be the most relaxing OnlyFans of all time. Not to mention Danksy is an absolute fiend with the messages. You subscribe to his OnlyFans, and you WILL get some DMs.
Also, watch this man eat ramen and wonder what else he can do with his mouth.
Full disclosure, Bossman would have been higher but with the recent emergence of Brock Faber as Minnesota’s hottest dude in his 20s that wears glasses, Jack has been knocked down a peg. It’s hard out here, sometimes you can do everything right and still lose.
But he looks great in a suit, is roughly the size of Billy G, and is wearing the shit out of those spectacles. Good work Bossman, I’d definitely subscribe. Leo ain’t got shit on you.
5. Journalist Jake
Say what you will about Journalist Jake “he’s always drunk” “his Kirk Cousins impression is daddy” and/or “if I look into his eyes and am not sure if he is functionally awake” but the man churns out content left and right and does so with a smile on his face. And he’s a good looking cat. And he’s canonically into older women. The only thing stopping him from being higher is there’s a chance he passes out halfway through the stream from alcohol poisoning or a random injury.
Look at this moustache and tell me you don’t want a ride. Instant subscribe.
3. Zooch & His Massive Hog
And if you don’t know, here’s a quick link to the origins of when we found out that Zooch is incredibly #blessed. Between the wrench, the hair, and the smile, Zooch is the full package. Emphasis package. For that reason, he will absolutely print money and is definitely in the Top 3 most profitable 10K OnlyFans accounts.
I have more pictures of Sarge naked on my phone (2) than I do of every other human being on the planet combined. This is a true stat. The man just oozes sex appeal.
Voss is, hypothetically, our number one 10K OnlyFans producer for obvious reasons. She’s a lovely young woman, incredibly knowledgeable about hockey (all sports, really) and the state of Nebraska. She is truly an incredible asset to 10K and we’re extremely lucky to have her.
On the OnlyFans front, the reason she is objectively the top producer is because she has two things the rest of the fellas don’t that are in high demand. Everyone reeeeeeeeeally wants to see these things.
Thing 1: Top tier memeage. Is that a word? You know what I mean.
Thing 2: phenomenal dance moves.
So there you have it. The hypothetical but definitely accurate Top Ten ranking of 10K OnlyFans accounts. If you liked this blog you should sign up for the 10K Newsletter. It’s not exactly the same thing as an OnlyFans but maybe it is. Only one way to find out and that’s to subscribe. Bitch.
Minnesota sports weren’t stressful enough, so I went to Auburn. Diehard everything fan. Will drink beer for money. Deathly allergic to chicken.