I grew up with a huge extended family. I’m talking over 100 cousins and many of them within a 3-5 year age gap. This led to insanely competitive games of soccer, football and pretty much any other competition you could think of. While not many of us had the opportunity to play at the next level (humble brag: I committed as a placekicker at the JUCO level to Ridgewater College but failed a physical and never went) we all dreamed of going to a big time program and playing. That’s where this hypothetical was born. If you were an elite 5 star recruit in each sport listed, where would you go?
Don’t lie, you and your buddies have all played this game. If you haven’t, keep reading and hit the comment section to give me your dream schools for each of the following sports: football, hockey, basketball, baseball, and golf.
3. Stay home and play at Minnesota
I always rip athletes who choose to play elsewhere so it makes no sense to leave the Golden Gophers out of my top 3. If you want a chance to play, go to the Gophers. You want a high level education while also partying your face off? Minnesota. A metropolitan campus with endless work opportunities outside of school? Minnesota. Side note: with NIL deals becoming a thing, there are so many Fortune 500 companies in the metro area who could use a boost.
2. University of Texas-Austin
There is something about the burnt orange that does it for me. Back in the MySpace days the background of my profile was the Longhorn logo and my go to profile song was anything by George Strait, the king of Texas.
The program itself has seen some down years but imagine leading them to a title and becoming a legend at the school like Matthew McConaughey. If you’re the one to make Texas be back, you never have to buy another drink in your life.
What a video. He’s so cool, especially when he isn’t driving around aimlessly in a Lincoln.
The beach. The girls. The Fight Song. I would commit to the Trojans without ever visiting the school. You play Notre Dame, Oregon and other big time programs every year. Just like Texas, if you win at USC you are guaranteed to make so much $$$ from the NIL and from random booster events for 50 years after you graduate.
3. KHLI skip school and chase the bag in the KHL. Auston Matthews famously skipped out on college and played in Zurich the year before his draft. It gives you a quick initiation to professional hockey and if you succeed you’re guaranteed to be picked highly in the draft.
Random? Not really. The hockey team is good and if I fail at that, I will fall back on that expensive piece of paper known as a diploma. Also, the old rinks on the east coast make it a lot of fun to play in.
1. University of Minnesota
If you grow up in Minnesota, you want to be a Gopher. Everyone who goes elsewhere or says otherwise either wasn’t offered by the U or they got rejected. Plus you get a chance to beat those cowards in Ann Arbor every year. The sweaters are sick, the ice sheet is gigantic which leads to more offense and the chance to bring a title back to Dinkytown would be sick.
3. KansasThe basketball category will be the most chalk out of any of the others. You want to play at a Blue Blood. Kansas is exactly that. Although just an hour outside of Kansas City, KU basketball is the only thing that matters in the entire state. The crowd is electric, the colors shouldn’t look good together but they do, and all the program does is win Big 12 titles.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk is easily the best chant in college basketball.
The brotherhood. The prestige. The coach. I graduated high school in 2010 so I would have had Coach K but I am interested to see what Jon Scheyer can do as head ball coach in Durham, NC. Also, outside of Minnesota vs North Dakota in college hockey, UNC vs DUKE is bananas every year.
Self explanatory. If you’re a 5 star recruit why WOULDN’T you want to play basketball at UCLA? The history of John Wooden, the legacies of NBA Hall of Famers like Kareem, Bill Walton and Reggie Miller, and the colors all add up to Number 1 in my power rankings.
I was going to give these sports separate categories but realized that most baseball schools are decent places to play golf as well. Hell, if they weren’t the same season, you could maybe even be a two sport athlete at these schools since you’re an elite 5 star recruit.
3. Pepperdine University
Out of nowhere, or left field if you will. (editor’s note: congrats on the birth of your first child, Deno) This is the most beautiful campus in America. That’s the only reason I would go there.
2. Arizona State
Perfect weather year round. Endless golf courses. I also heard it may be a favorite of young adults across the country. Especially those that like to partake in a bit of partying. Also, I thought I was so cool and edgy when making the ASU Forks Up sign.
1. Any school in the SEC
Well except the nerdy ones like Vanderbilt and Missouri. Also Kentucky seems boring outside of the basketball team. So pretty much LSU, Ole Miss, Alabama, Auburn (editor’s note: hell yeah brother, War Damn Eagle) , Georgia, Florida and South Carolina.
Great courses, great baseball programs and a great overall college experience. I would toss in Texas A&M for the ball counting thing they do, but that place is a cult and their rings freak me out.
29yo, 2 kids, former place kicker for the worst high school football team in Minnesota history. 2/2 xp, 0/2 field goals, led the state in total punts.