It’s Time For The Coyotes To Call Kaprizov Daddy

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The Minnesota Wild won their 5th straight game on Wednesday night against the Arizona Coyotes, winning 4-1. The Wild have recovered nicely since getting their dicks pushed in by the Blues a couple weeks ago. Mercifully, this was also the last super late start of the season.

Yeah that’s great in all, but I’m here to talk about one specific player… Kirill Mothafuckin’ Kaprizov. I mean, this guy might as well be called the next Ovechkin. Fuck it, he’ll be better than Ovechkin. Kaprizov has played less than 50 games in a Wild sweater and should already be inducted into the Minnesota Wild Hall of Fame. The Soviet Savior has now potted a gino in three straight games, including this filthy goal last night to extend the Wild lead late in the game.

It’s objectively hilarious how the Coyotes seem to just give up every time Kirill has the puck. It’s like watching a Hall of Famer play against Squirts. After this horrendous display of defense by Arizona, I now declare that every single player to put on a Coyotes sweaty must now refer to Kaprizov as DADDY.

Daddy Moose

There’s one player who can maybe be given an exception, and that’s Arizona netminder Darcy Kuemper. The only reason he is being granted an exception is because a different Wild player has put him in his place all year, as only a true father can.

"Fuck you, Kuemper. You big fucking pussy" - Marcus Foligno 
Kaprizov Daddy
“Fuck you, Kuemper. You big fucking pussy!” – Marcus Foligno

Foligno puts Kuemper in his place after a goal was removed for a bush-league goalie interference call on Monday night. Then he follows it up with one of the silliest possible goals on Wednesday night.

The Desert Dogs getting molly-whooped by the Wild all year long is an early “Welcome to the Central Division, bitch“. Now that they’ll be spending more time in the division, they will be able to get reacquainted with their new father much more regularly. Get used to calling Kaprizov Daddy, Yotes. You’re gonna be seeing a lot of him from now on.