The scandals that occur in professional sports can be shocking, yet unsurprising. From the Tiger Woods sex scandal to horses ripping steroids and everything in between, every sports organization has had their 15 minutes of fame 7 minutes in Heaven with an embarrassing matter. Our favorite Minnesota Vikings are no exception. Some of you may remember the Love Boat scandal from October 2005. Well, some of the former members from that scandal are running it back, and I’m HILARIOUSLY fucking confused about what exactly is going to take place on Lake Minnetonka.
Will history repeat itself?
A lot of questions I have for this tweet (I say that almost everyday). First and foremost, who the fuck thought this would be a good idea FOR CHARITY? The parallels for this event and the scandal are shocking, it’s almost like they’re asking for a public indecency charge again. This is clearly intentional, right? Like some sort of fucked up “we’re in on the joke” bit?
I just wonder this time if there will be double-sided dildos present in the autographs people are getting. Number two, who chose who goes? Never heard of Brian (editor’s note, it’s Byron, but I’m keeping it in because Age not knowing this is hilarious to me) Chamberlain, sorry man. Robert Griffith also wasn’t at the ’05 Love Boat but Bryant McKinnie sure as shit was. I have never purified myself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, so I thought this would be a fun time to pop that cherry. The only thing stopping me from meeting the pussy-eating Pro Bowler is the $125 cover fee. If I’m dropping $125, you damn sure are gonna let me drive the boat. We need Daunte Culpepper in this bitch!
You can insert something good here. I was trying to find a GIF of the Daunte Culpepper roll on but GIPHY has nothing. 🙁
After all, that may be worth it. I can attend and get some sex paraphernalia Vikings memorabilia signed by Vikings legends. Should I buy a dildo or a different kind of fake dick for them to autograph? The possibilities are endless at this point. I just wish Fred Smoot was present so he could give me the rundown on how to run through the okra patch.
Professional Driver. Lover of all things sports. I once cut meat for Paul Allen and Mark Rosen. I talk on a podcast about men hugging each other aggressively.