Madden 22: Why I Won’t Buy It This Year and Then End Up Buying It and Being Pissed At Myself

Everything Else Football

We get it…but what the fuck is up with the goats?

The first time I saw the trailer for the new Madden I honestly thought it was a trailer for a new Farming Simulator. I immediately thought to myself…hells yeah I’m going to farm the piss out of this game. But sadly, it was just another boring Madden trailer.

This is the first big announcement huh? Believe me…I get it. G.O.A.T (Greatest of all time). I figure it’s probably going to be some sort of homage to Tom Brady after winning his 7th super bowl at the ripe age of 43. This ends up to be true along with his NFL cohort Patrick Mahomes. Mahomes is no doubt one of the most recognizable faces in the NFL but does no one remember the last game he played? The Super Bowl? This may be a preposterous take but I kind of felt like that Bucs defense exposed some pretty big flaws in Mahomes game. Everyone blames the offensive line but leave the big guys alone. Our boy Kirk Cousins had been dealing with that shit for 3 years now!

Super Bowl LV Stats

Mahomes seems like a great guy but why not just leave it at Brady? He truly is the goat and with his career probably ending in 2-10 years, just give the guy the cover. If you’ve got to put someone with him PLEASE go with Gisele.


It’s not a huge deal, but the whole goat thing pissed me off for some reason and may have pushed me over the ledge.

Not This Time EA Sports…

This isn’t the first year I’ve thought about not spending $60 of my hard-earned money on a video game that really hasn’t changed in the past 4-5 years or so.

Every August this fucking game comes out and I mull it over until about mid-September before I cave like the Vikings O-Line (sorry big guys). I end up driving to the store and buy it only to come home and wait for it install for like 4 hours. I always think buying it in the store will cut down on the install time but it doesn’t. I’m just a loser who still buys still in stores.


Then this mother fucker hits you…FUCK

Why the fuck do games need to update so god damn much? I miss the days on a N64 where you start a season and you play the first 3 games of a season and then your mom gets pissed at you so you have to quit and you lose everything.

I already feel like a chump for buying the game and then on top of that I have to let it install and update for like 50 hours before I can play the god damn thing.

Ultimate Team, Online, Franchise, Die.

I start every new Madden with saying to myself: “This is the year I make THE Ultimate Team.”

I do the whole cards thing and get my players and everyone on my team is like a 68 overall. Not a huge deal, I’ll kick some ass and we’ll have 99 overalls running around in no time.

I then play my first online game and the other guys have fucking Lamar Jackson, Delvin Cook, and Jerry Rice. This game has been out for like 19 days…how much time (or money) have these losers already put into this to have this roster? I can’t compete.

I’ll just play with normal teams online and kick some ass…which goes all fine and dandy until you run into one of these little shits.

There’s nothing worse than losing in any video let alone to some 11 year old who hits you with a barrage of swear words that if my mom heard me say she would still kick my ass today.

So were done online…let’s just take the queens to the super bowl since it will never happen in the real world.

Sure as shit, I lead our Minnesota Vikings to an undefeated season and a Super Bowl victory on all madden. Feeling good until you start the next season. How many times do I really want to do this before I just get sad? The chances of this happening in the real world are basically zero since I am indeed a Minnesota sports fan.

I’m going to buy it again.

I’m a big talker but at the end of the day I love playing Madden and at this point I’m invested. I’ve been playing this game since the real G.O.A.T John Madden himself was on the cover. Whether they do the same thing year after year or they put actual fucking goats in this thing…I’ll buy it, and that’s why I’m the problem.