He was a shot blocking machine, an occasional 3-point assassin, and after retirement, a Humanitarian. But above all, Manute Bol was a goddamn legendary human being. Bol died 11 years ago this month. I suggest you take a few mins sometime and read some of the stories told about Bol.But before you do that, here’s another one to add to the pile and start you off the right way. And when Michael Fucking Jordan is telling you a story, you listen.
First, a Little Background.
A couple of years ago I was enjoying a few cocktails on Thanksgiving evening with my two uncles Dave and Mike. Between the two of them, they have a combined 15 holes in one. The catch is Dave has just one, and Mike has 14. It’s like how Wayne and Brent Gretzky hold the NHL points record between two brothers and Brent only has 4. Mike is quite a good golfer, and has been teaching golf at Hazeltine National for about 30 years.“Guys…Funny story…” Mike said to Dave and I with a grin appearing on his face.
“I was playing in a celebrity best-ball tournament a couple of years ago, and my group included an NFL QB from the 90’s…”Enter mediocre NFL journeyman quarterback Billie Joe Tolliver.
If you don’t know who he his, you’re not alone. He played 10+ seasons with 7 different teams and ended with a lifetime passer rating just south of 70. He may not be a household name, but what the fuck, he slung the pigskin around for over a decade and got paid to do it.
Now if you’ve ever played in one of these group style golf tournaments, you know that there is A LOT of standing around waiting to hit. THIS is prime shoot-the-shit time for any golfer, at any level. Something about being bored as hell in a drunken stupor on a golf course elicits guys’ primal need to one up each other with their stories.
Why Do YOU think Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor was so Clumsy?
Personally, I’d be gunning to get paired in a group with a guy like Richard Karn. Then you’d get to look forward to an afternoon of Al Borland telling stories involving Tim Allen boofing coke in the dressing room before Home Improvement tapings.Although entertaining as hell, these kind of stories aren’t surprising.
I mean, come on. Of COURSE Tim Allen booty-bumped cocaine on set. That’s how all that grunting got started. Gotta make sure you fully dissolve the drugs before insertion there buddy…or else it’ll burn like hell. Everyone knows that.
But who knew that Al’s famous catchphrase “I don’t think so, Tim” was really just a plea for Allen to stop shoving copious amounts of blow in his face.
“White Fluffy railroad tracks of the best Columbian Nose Candy in the World.”
You’ll Never Look at a Knot the Same Again.
Now, on to the story, which starts with my Uncle asking Billie Joe a question:
“Say, Billie…what’s the craziest story you have for us??…in all your years in the NFL, you musta seen some crazy shit.”
“Well, that’s easy. But it’s not really my story. It’s a story about Michael Jordan’s story.”
“Jordan!!?? What the fuck kind of a story did HE have?”
“Well guys, I was in almost this exact situation…playing in a celebrity golf tournament, that time with two celebs in each group. This particular tournament I was lucky enough to get put into Jordan’s group. We asked MJ the exact same question you just asked me.”
“MJ, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen in all your years in the NBA? There’s got to be something that tops everything else.”
“Then without hesitation or second thought, Jordan turned to the group and in a matter-of-fact voice said…”
“I saw Manute Bol tie his dick in a knot.”
Naturally, this leads one to ask some follow up questions.
How frequently did Manute Bol tie his cock in a knot? Did it fuck up his boners afterwards? Was he the inspiration for Mr. Fantastic fanfic? What kind of knot was it? Was it just a shoe-lace style, simple ribbony-loopdy-loo? Or did the big guy go for something with some more flair?
A Reef Knot? Maybe a Clove Hitch? Granny Knot?
These are the things that keep me up at night. Manute Bol’s bunny-eared cock.
So there ya have it, folks. Until next time….
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeese buy a shirt…they kick ass and I
know for a fact heard from a reputable source you get laid more in em.
Guy or Gal, you’ll look spiffy. Promise.