Minnesota War Criminals

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noun: war criminal; plural noun: war criminals

  1. a person who has carried out an act during the conduct of a war sports that violates accepted international rules of war sports.

In the deep and mostly brutal history of Minnesota sports there are certain individuals that have helped cause the pain and agony us fans have. I am now on a mission. I want these specific individuals to be tried as war criminals. I want them to be punished to the full extent of the law. Because they deserve it.

Drew Pearson

Say this name around you dad or grandfather and you’ll see their soul sucked out of their eyes. For the younger readers who don’t know, Drew Pearson was a wide receiver for the Cowboys back from 1973-‘83. On December 28th, 1975 The Vikings hosted the Cowboys at the Met for a playoff showdown. Late in the game the Vikings had a lead but Drew Pearson gave our defensive back a 2 handed push in the back to create separation and end up making the game winning catch. From the atrocity of a no call, the term Hail Marry actually took off from there and that’s the specific play that gets credit for “Hail Marry”.


Phil Cuzzi

In 2009 Joe Mauer won the AL MVP. He hit .365 with 28 home runs. He lead the league in average, onbase percentage, OPS, he was also an all star, silver slugger, and gold glover that year. Needless to say, Joe had a historic season. He helped lead the Twins to the playoffs to take on….. The Yankees. In game 2 of the series, Joe lead off the top of the 11th with a fading ball down the left field line. It bounced in fair territory and then into the seats for a ground rule double. Butttt Left field umpire you read that right.. LEFT FIELD UMPIRE BECAUSE ITS NOT SOME THROW AWAY GAME IN KANSAS CITY. IT’S THE PLAYOFFS V.S. THE YANKEES. Left Field Umpire Phil Cuzzi “missed” the call and said the ball landed foul. Cuzzi was 20 feet away from the ball with a perfect view. The Twins went on to lose the game and the series and are now in the midst of an 18 game playoff losing streak.

Sean Payton and Gregg Williams

These 2 Bozos are my number 1 most wanted. They both should be banned from the NFL but instead they are glorified. In the 2009 NFL season the Vikings brought in Brett Favre to Quarterback the team and he was ELECTRIC. He helped lead the Vikings to a 12-4 season and a 34-3 stomping of the Cowboys in the playoffs. Next up the Vikings went down South to the Bayou to take on the Saints. Winner goes to the Super Bowl. Well after one of the most horrendous officiated games ever. Missed calls, cheap shots, etc. the Vikings lost in OT. Now don’t get me wrong we shot ourselves in the foot but it was later discovered the Saints were running a bounty scandal. Paying players to injure and take out players from the other team. Specifically Quarterback Brett Favre. If the Saints hadn’t done that I promise you one million percent the Vikings win that game and the Super Bowl. But instead we got absolutely screwed. AND THEN THEY WENT AND MADE A MOVIE ON THESE SCUMBAGS?! An absolute joke.

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Norm Green

Norm Green is the biggest loser to walk this planet. The former owner of the North Stars from 1990-1996 when he left the state of hockey and moved the team to Texas… yes. This absolute pathetic piece of garbage moved a hockey team OUT of Minnesota and to Texas, Leaving Minnesota with no ice hockey team until the Wild emerged. Now… don’t get me wrong because I love the Wild but the North Stars is such an awesome name for a Minnesota team. Not to mention their logo was sweeeeet. So not only did we lose the team we also lost the rights to the name and logo and can’t wear them for a throwback.

I’m sure there are people I missed and I’m definitely certain there will be future war criminals that will earn their way on this list that screw Minnesota sports. But until we finally win a championship and get a parade, I will not rest until all of these garbage humans are punished by the law.