I write a lot about food and am a firm believer that if you want it, you should eat it. But there are some places you just shouldn’t want to eat at. They’re trash. I’ve left places off this list like Red Robin, Red Lobster, and Olive Garden because we all know they suck. (Except the breadsticks and cheddar bay biscuits). They can’t be overrated when their stance in food hierarchy is well known.
But these spots are places people seem to like and I just don’t understand it. So here’s my list of the most overrated places to eat in the good ol’ U.S of A.
10. Jimmy Johns
Never trust anyone with two first names and never trust Jimmy Johns to give you a good sandwich. I don’t care how freaky fast these travesties arrive. It’s freaky fast how quickly I’m gonna throw this sub in the trash. Figure it out, James Johnson.
Byron Buxton stays on the field longer than Jimmy Johns keeps you full. You want some bread and the smallest amount of toppings possible? Jam Jams has got you covered.
Jimmy Johns sucks.
9. Buffalo Wild Wings
Expensive wings, expensive beer, BUT SPORTS! I want Buffalo Wild Wings to be good. In my head, I love BWW but in reality, it’s junk. The wings are crazy expensive and everything else on the menu is embarrassing. The fries always taste as they came straight from the microwave… because they did.
I will give Buffalo Wild Wings its credit though—their sauces are fantastic.
It’s amazing to me that so many great restaurants had to close in 2020/21 but somehow Applebee’s is still a thing. There was a time Applebee’s was DECENT. Circa 2009ish when the half-priced apps had more than three chicken nugge… I mean boneless wings. $5 pitchers of beer were cool back in the day. The $1 LITs were a fun, albeit dangerous, thing. But those days are long over. Applebee’s charges entirely too much for their TV dinners. The menu is rubbish. You deserve better.
Actually I’m embarrassed that I’m saying Applebees was ever even decent. They just gave you a ton of food for $5 and $5 was about all I had. Applebee’s has always been one of the most overrated places to eat.
Applebee’s should be closed down.
7. Five Guys
So the truth here is I love Five Guys. I have a hard time listing them on my most overrated places to eat list because I love the food. The burgers are damned good, the fries are elite, but the roughly $337 price tag that comes along with the meal sucks.
I expect most *fast food* meals to cost around $10. Once that number is eclipsed, there had better be a damned good reason. Fortunately, Five Guys burgers are greasy enough for the moment they bend you over at the register. Five Guys, well, should just lower their prices and bit and I’d remove them from this list.
6. Burger King
Burger King is a poverty chain. Their burgers usually look like they were stepped on. Their fries taste like they were deep-fried in a toilet. I wouldn’t feed their nuggets to my dog. I also couldn’t tell you the last time I got my food from Burger King and it was hot.
You can pretend like you dislike McDonald’s because it’s fun to hate McDonald’s, but we all know the dumpster at McDonald’s is serving better food than the counter of Burger King. Although if they bring back the gingerbread shake, I’ll change my mind completely.
5. Noodles & Company
Do you know what’s cheap? Noodles. Unless you buy them from Noodles. I don’t understand why people like their mac and cheese so much. It’s one of the laziest and most bland versions of mac and cheese I’ve ever had. The serving sizes are small. Oh, you want to add protein to your twelve cents worth of noodles? That’ll be $4.
Noodles is an embarrassment.
The fries? Garbage. The burgers? A worse version of a Wendy’s burger. If it weren’t for animal style, people would walk in and immediately out. Honestly, just go to Culver’s. I have nothing else to say.
Chipotle can be great but it’s always just maddening. We all got spoiled on the OG Chipotle burritos, but for years the sizes have gone down while the prices have gone up. I don’t have many things to say about the quality of Chipotle’s food. I think it’s pretty fantastic. But COME ON.
I want a burrito big enough to knock Jack Black from his motorcycle. I’ve gotte to the point I won’t even order Chipotle online because I know my can of Diet Coke is going to be bigger.
Chipotle is a façade.
Can we call what Subway puts on their sandwiches meat? Were you hoping to get more than three small pieces of cheese? Do you want some cardboard bread that isn’t actually even bread?
Subway sucks the life out of sandwiches. I also don’t understand what they’re referring to in their “Eat Fresh” campaign. Everything comes pre-packaged to the restaurant, including the meats and produce.
Subway is a trash bag.
1. Panera Bread
Are you kidding me with this place? Of all the most overrated places to eat, Panera runs away with it. Everything is sent to Panera frozen and then reheated in a microwave or boiling water. The portions are smaller than the Minnesota Timberwolves’ chances at winning the NBA Championship. Panera’s food is so bland I don’t understand how anyone outside of Minnesota eats there. Is this food made for the people who find ketchup spicy? This blurry meme sums it up.
- Panera Bread is for people who have no self-respect.
- Panera Bread is for people who have never even entered the spice aisle at a grocery store.
- Panera Bread is a Monday after a long weekend.
- Panera Bread is as exciting as the DMV.
Panera Bread is the worst “restaurant” in the world.
There are plenty of great spots to get food. Here’s 37 of them! I can hear my editor now thanking me for keeping this list to just 10. Even if you dislike this list, I know it’s not the worst list we’ve ever done.
Did I miss any? Where do you think are the most overrated places to eat? Let me know!
I was in at least 3 people’s Myspace Top 8. I have as many NBA Championships as Tom Brady. I’m probably too old to be here. @NickLewis37