My Weekend in the Twin Cities with Taylor Swift

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The Minnesota Vikings are hosting the reigning super bowl champion Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday Oct. 8th at U.S. Bank Stadium. But who gives a fuck about a curly-haired quarterback that sounds like kermit the frog or an old, fat coach with a white mustache.  The queen of pop, and the princess of the NFL just might be making a pit stop in the Twin Cities for crying out loud: Taylor Swift! 

Taylor has spent the last two weekends following her alleged lover Travis Kelce to Kansas City and New York for the Chief’s last two games. I have lived in the Twin Cities for all 22 years of life, and I think I could do a pretty solid job of showing T-Swift a good time in the Land of 10,000 Lakes if she chooses to come for the Vikings vs. Chiefs game on Sunday. 

Here is my itinerary for a weekend in the Twin Cities with Taylor Swift:

Saturday 10/7

8:00 AM

Pick up Taylor and company in my 2012 Chevy Malibu at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport (KMSP), where her private jet lands. 

8:30 AM

Drive straight through St. Paul to Mickey’s Diner by Willy in Highland Park (not the original but it will have to do), where we grab buttermilk pancakes and crispy hash browns for breakfast. 

10:00 AM 

Head about 40 minutes straight east and check into Taylor’s 30,000 sq. ft. AirBnB on Lake Minnetonka. Give her time to unpack her things, hang up her Chiefs jersey and take in the views of the lake from her private dock. 

12:00 PM

Hop in the car and head west to the Mall of America for our 12:45 pm reservation at the Rainforest Cafe. Let Taylor throw pennies in the robot alligator’s mouth on the way out. 

1:45 PM 

Take Taylor on some rides at Camp Snoopy Nickelodeon Universe. Rock Bottom Plunge, Log Ride and Orange Crush are a must, but after that she can choose the rides she wants to go on.

3:00 PM 

Drive to Minneapolis and walk the Stone Arch Bridge together. At the end of the bridge, rent a Lime scooter and cruise a mile down the road. Our destination is MN Nice Cream for a quick treat. 

4:15 PM

Take Taylor back to her AirBnB so she can shower and get changed for a night on the town. 

6:00 PM

Head to the North Loop for our 6:30pm reservation at Black Sheep Coal Fired Pizza. Sip fancy cocktails and explain what a ‘safety’ and a ‘Hail Mary’ are.

8:00 PM

Hop in an Uber across town to Burrito Loco for a few cheap margaritas to get the party started. 

9:00 PM

Grab another Uber and head over to Brit’s Pub to down a few pints of beer and compete against Taylor in lawn bowling. Loser has to take a shot.

10:00 PM

Chug our last beers and trek past the Target Center on 1st Ave. towards Cowboy Jacks.

10:45 PM 

Finally, after a 30 minute wait, we enter Cowboy Jacks and pound rail drinks while listening to live music and hanging out on the outdoor patio. 

12:30 AM

Stumble out of Cowboy Jacks and walk across the street for a slice of pepperoni pizza at Pizza La Vista. 

1:00 AM 

After we shut down Pizza La Vista, we’ll call an Uber and get dropped off at Vegas Lounge for a couple more beers and a few karaoke songs before we need to head home. We bring the house down singing a “Love Story” duet.

2:00 AM 

Travis Kelce’s mom, Donna, picks us up as Vegas Lounge closes, and drives us back to Taylor’s AirBnB where we pass out for the night. She let’s me crash in the guest house.

Sunday 10/8 

On Sunday morning we will be too hungover to wake up before noon and tailgate the big game. After a Caribou coffee and a McDonald’s breakfast sandwich, we both start to feel better. 

We say a quick goodbye in the McDonald’s parking lot. She hops in her blacked out Escalade wearing her red Kelce jersey, and I get on the Metro Blue Line wearing my purple Jefferson jersey. U.S. Bank Stadium, here we come!

Let me know if you’re down for an adventure in the Twin Cities, Taylor. I’ll keep my schedule open.