Minnesota Twins Parking

NEVER Drive to a Minnesota Twins Game


Yes…I know I fucked up by parking in a Ramp at a Minnesota Twins Game. I am sitting here holding my depressing mugshot at 4 AM on a Friday morning. How could someone who is responsible for creating & leading a Minnesota sports media giant get caught making such a mistake? The answer is I don’t always have all the answers. I’m human, and humans make mistakes:

In my defense, there were a few reasons leading up to why I made such a costly mistake and found myself sitting in Ramp A on a Sunday afternoon for an hour watching the Indy Car Detroit Grand Prix. (Big Indy Car guy now)

I Was Hungover as Fuck

I’m sorry, but I would personally never trust someone to make smart choices in ANY capacity when they were 12 beers deep and behaving in this manner the night before:

After force-feeding beers down my throat prior to this clip at Target Field to ease the pain of the recently depressing Minnesota Twins, my co-pilot Sunday afternoon wasn’t the most trustworthy source of brain cells either.

I NEVER Drive to Minnesota Twins Games

As I mentioned, it was a long night prior to this 1:10 PM game. The last thing my hungover ass needed was a hot, break-tapping Uber ride. No thanks. I was going to drive to this game so I could blast the AC, blast country music, and blast water in my face to keep myself from not vomiting all over my F150.

Because I never drive to games, you could say this is a rookie mistake. I statistically am a rookie at this. I normally stay out after the game regardless of the result and contribute to the local economy until they tell me I can no longer do that at 2 AM CT.

But people forget I have a large commitment on Sunday nights. I’m responsible for goal tending the best damn beer league hockey team Bloomington Ice Garden has to offer. If I didn’t drive to that game, god knows I would have drank 8 more beers and let in every piece of rubber that was thrown my way that night. I’m a team guy.

I Did Park In the CORRECT Ramp

When you exit off of 394W heading into downtown Minneapolis, you have two choices. You can merge to the right and essentially enter parking ramp A. Or you can wait in the long ass line of cars and test your luck with ramp B or parking lots.

Because of the statement above, I didn’t know any of the spots. For all I knew, I could have waited in the large line to the left and still got skunked for $30 event parking across from a bar. How was I supposed to know when I traditionally pay a stranger to drive me to the game?

The lesson I learned here is NEVER drive to Minnesota Twins games. I don’t care if you know the best-kept secret lot Minneapolis has to offer. You still have to sit and wait for everyone to get out of that cluster fuck of a city. You might as well walk over to the Loon and get yourself a Grape Ape while you wait for the commotion to die down.