NFL season is back, and there’s a solid chance the Vikings are dead. Really no bigger bummer than your team getting off to a 0-2 start, and I’m just not ready to face that reality. Instead, why don’t we take a few minutes and look at the new and (sometimes) improved NFL uniforms we’ll be seeing out of our favorite franchises this year.
Honorable Mention: New Helmets from the Detroit Lions and Denver Broncos
These are both gorgeous additions to their respective rotations, but I’m not really sure why they didn’t come with a complete uniform.
I’ll take Denver’s between the two if you make me pick.
The Ugly
Let’s get these ones out of the way; these are the uniforms that I’m surprised got through so many people for approval. I’d go so far as to call these a downgrade compared to the previous iterations.
The Arizona Cardinals
Good Grief. I know we found out the Cards have worse facilities than a college campus this offseason, but did they really need to double down and have worse uniforms than a college team too? That black jersey is literally an Ohio State setup, and that’s the best one of the bunch.
Arizona is setting itself up for a rebuilding year, so you’d think they’d be content to keep a low profile while they try to stock up on draft capital. Nothing screams “low profile” like putting ARIZONA across your chest in size 30 font. F-. Do better.
The Indianapolis Colts
They saw the Cards going overly minimal and said “Hold my beer”. This one is kind of a bummer because I think the blue and white setup is one of the cleanest-looking kits in the league, or at least it was until Irsay gave us these monstrosities.
The damage Andrew Luck did to this franchise is one of the most insane falls from grace I’ve ever seen. Then they finally admit they need to draft a QB to get back to relevance, and they pick a guy who is, at a bare minimum, an electric factory of athleticism. Things start looking up, and BOOM, they drop these things. Black and Blue? Yikes.
I think Jonathan Taylor is really holding out in solidarity with the fans for these god-awful uniforms. (Since Bossman might be reading this, I will say the outline of Indiana on the Captain patch is kind of cool though).
The Underwhelming
Now that those two jokers have been addressed, let’s move on to some updates that are at least inoffensive, if not blowing you away. I don’t think anyone in this category will look bad by any means, but these are the ones I had to show my girlfriend a before and after of so she could tell what’s different.
The Carolina Panthers
The blue is a bit darker? Apparently? To be honest, I would have never noticed this one if it weren’t for an article I read to research this blog. Don’t the Panthers wear black at home? This franchise has been in a tailspin for so long now, that I’ve hardly thought about them since Cam Newton was good.
But hey, the number 1 overall pick throwing balls to our hometown boy AT19 (did you know he was a walk-on at Mankato?), if the takeaway is that they’re going to be wearing their best color, then I’m all for it.
The New York Jets
To be honest, this one might just be from before my time. I know this is a throwback to their look from their *checks notes* late 70’s to early 90’s look. Sheesh, I’m really telling on myself to any Jets fans reading this.
R.I.P to the Jets season as we all saw him tear his Achilles Monday. These jerseys might turn out to be better than their season. That’s not good.
The Cleveland Browns
Everyone loves an all-white look, myself included. These Browns uniforms are a nice breath of air for one of the more difficult color schemes in the league.
They just feel like they need something else, don’t they? I can’t put my finger on what, but they kind of feel like a draft that had to get turned in at the last second. Maybe it has more to do with all the other ones coming out this year, but this one doesn’t seem to pop as much.
The Beauties
This is the cream of the crop for the new looks. Everyone loves a throwback, and I’m in no hurry to change anyone’s mind about that. Is it the most original thing in the world? Of course not. Does it look awesome on my TV come Sunday at noon? You better believe it.
The Tennessee Titans (Oilers?)
These things really belong in Houston, don’t they? It’s bad enough you had to take their original team, but then they got stuck with the Texans. You could at least let them have the throwback look.
Too bad for them, because these things are BEAUTY. Going light blue with the red, standing out from the other RWB teams? Chef’s kiss. Semi-related, this picture made me remember that Ryan Tannehill is still a starting QB in the NFL, and I think that’s pretty funny.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I don’t have anything to back this up, but I think these creamsicles are what started all the buzz around throwback NFL uniforms, and for good reason. I’m not really sure why the Bucs ever went away from this color scheme, but they can go back at any time.
How did they not have these around for Tom Brady to play in? The greatest player in NFL history wearing one of the greatest uniforms? Probably would’ve gotten him #8, damn shame.
The Philadelphia Eagles
Don’t you hate when good things happen to bad people? The city of Philly has been blessed (or cursed, depending on your perspective) in the sports world in recent years, so go figure the new NFL uniforms are good to them as well.
The Kelly Green look is one of the most iconic of all time, and they didn’t play around in bringing it back. This is the minimal look done right: nothing tacky to distract, just a badass color on one of the scariest teams in the league. After that Thursday night game, These only make me sadder.
The Seattle Seahawks
Oooooooh BABY. This is what I’m talking about. I might be in the minority on this, but the highlighter uniforms never really did it for me in Seattle. The helmet seemed out of place against the solid green, and it felt a bit 2014 combine for my taste.
On the other hand, these retros go so damn hard. The blue, green, and silver pops like crazy. The bird decal looks so much better when it doesn’t have the cartoonish angry face. That green stripe down the pants is going to make Metcalf look obscenely fast running his only route.
These might have been my favorite of the year, if not for…
The Minnesota Vikings
What did you expect? The Vikes to pull out the 1960s classics and not be the star of a 10k list?
These have already been broken down in AJ’s blog, but a month later I’m still bricked up for these things. I just wish Fanatics wouldn’t have taken over all professional sports apparel so I could justify buying one of these.
We’ve also learned that the coach that lead these uni’s into battle will be honored on these uniforms, with a patch of his signature in the corner. For the young or uninitiated among us, I really encourage you to look up Coach Bud. He’s literally one of the most interesting dudes I’ve ever heard of.
What’s your favorite of the bunch? Did I miss anything? Sound off in the comments and let me know!
Former wrestler, Current football watcher, Future president.
Alter-Ego of the Packer Punisher.