North Stars Imposter Team Craps Out Horrible Jerseys


The Dallas Stars suck. Everything about them. Their location, their fans, their crappy air hanger they call an arena, even their success in comparison to Minnesota. It all sucks.

While I love the Wild, the Stars were wrongfully stolen from us by Norm “Greedy” Green. The Dallas Stars should still be the Minnesota North Stars. There likely wouldn’t be wars, famine, or poverty if they were still in the State of Hockey. I blame you, Norm Green.

Fuck you.

So anytime the Stars do something of note, it needs to be reiterated how stupid that franchise is.

This time, it’s a new set of jerseys (sweaters, whatever). Instead of going with a crisp, clean, and modern look, the Stars decided to cave to the Gen Zs of the world. Going with the super-futuristic black with a hideous neon green for the logos and numbers. I haven’t seen a color that disturbing since I threw up outside a Checkers in Gainesville, FL after a night of heavy drinking.

The funny thing is, I have friends who work for the Stars in the department that would approve these. Guess who’s going to be receiving a strongly worded, profanity-laden text?

Just because you’re trying to “be hip” because hockey doesn’t have the largest draw in the country, doesn’t mean you have to cave to the Tik Tok generation. And just because you had a sexual assault allegation against you and your wife threatened to leave you unless you moved the team, doesn’t mean you had to!

Fuck you, Dallas, and fuck you, Norm Green.