Your MN State High School Hockey Tourney Champ Based on Uniform


Hey everybody it’s Marlow, and now is the time to piss the internet off again over my high school uniform opinions. Now if you don’t remember I wrote a power rankings blog for all Minnesota high school teams uniforms that set the internet a Burnsville blaze. Instead of looking at the jerseys from the previous year, we are running current J’s, and don’t expect an apology this time. Let’s take a dive into Minnesota’s greatest time of the year.

What do we look for in a uniform?

I’m not necessarily a fashionable guy, but when it comes to hockey I know what looks good. I mean, your boy is rocking custom gloves, a 4500 bucket (with white ear loops of course) and a visor tilt so vicious that I should be an honorary Hayes brother. You get it, I’m sick as shit.

Moving on, we need flow within a jersey. We need all elements to match, and most importantly some originality. While I understand there are only a certain amount of stripe variations you can do to a jersey before you make an Adidas atrocity, but we can’t do a direct, one-for-one ripoff.

2 words: Fucking yuck

We will format this simply, I will run through the entire bracket and list off my winners 1st through 4th following the bracket structure.

Single-A Uniform Battle

We need to start by first eliminating the worst jersey in the entire tournament. Last time I wrote a jersey blog I got heat for leaving out Monticello. My response was simple; “Their jerseys are ASS.” They made an improvement from previous years by ditching the Chicago Blackhawks jersey for an Ottawa Senators jersey, but that doesn’t make it much better. Expect them to get throttled in game 1.

I wish I could Deduct goals for this junk

3rd Place: Hermantown

Hermantown is a city I like to shit on continuously. The reason they slot into 3rd place with a victory over Mahtomedhi is simply because they rock the better blue. The city name across the chest works beautifully with the gold accents. Their biggest knock is their white jersey have always, and continue to be trash. The giant “Hawks” text doesn’t play as well as the city text.

2nd Place: Minneapolis

Now this was the hardest team to pick from. All 3 jerseys are an Italian chef’s kiss, but these grays are straight fuego with the MPLS font across the chest. If you’re going to a short name across the chest, this is how you do it. Take heavy notes here Hermantown. Minneapolis would slot into #1 if it wasn’t for the upcoming team. Unreal effort from the boys though.

State Championship Uniforms: Warroad

Nobody does it better than Warroad. They have the most unique logo in all of Minnesota, and there isn’t a single city that I will cheer for more than these boys every year. Imagine having a population the size of two and a half pube hairs relative to Edina and still putting out that level of talent year after year after year. Shoutout TJ Oshie and his Warroad Brand. Not a sponsor, just a beauty. Count on the Warroad boys to take home the ship all thanks to their unreal STY.

Double A Uniform Battle

On to the hardest and most popular part of the tournament. This was tough because the majority of the teams I loved were AA teams in my previous blog. When I dive into these teams I am going to completely disregard the last blog to give you my on the spot favorite guaranteed winners.

4th Place: Moorhead

Now I’m the first person to say that Moorhead has some of the best jerseys around. A FUCKING POTATO!? Are you kidding me? Ditch that Gopher’s M logo and you have a top 2 finish.

3rd Place: Prior Lake

Going into this blog I told myself that I was going to 110% pick Prior Lake to win this whole thing. The giant number on the front, and some yellow breezers is a nasty combo. I feel like gold buckets would’ve pushed this over the edge, but good on them for pulling off the round 1 W over CDH.

2nd Place: Maple Grove

Shocking I know right? I ranked Maple Grove high on my last blog, take a look at them next to my #1 pick Rogers right there, but the only reason they fall to #2 is because I’ve changed my mind on the new #1 pick for this year’s tournament. Maple Grove continues to be one of the top teams for their color choice as it looks clean as fuck on ice… but let’s roll into this years state champion.

State Championship Uniform: Hill Murray

Ricochet shot at Gentry here

You can hate this school all you want, but we aren’t here to talk about recruiting, daddy’s money, or the fact that I would never be able to crack their team now or ever. Instead year after year Hill Murray balls out with their top tier color scheme. Those buckets alone are all time and like I stated before, when you can just throw your name on the jersey with no other logo you are simply stating “Yeah, you know who the fuck we are.” You can mock them all you want, but they do 2 things that I you have never done. Win, and look damn good doing it.

So congrats to this years champions. Do you agree with my picks? I don’t give a shit. I’m right and you’re wrong, and until Monticello decides to make good decisions I will continue to trash that team and their first round exit.