This past weekend Raul Rosas Jr, at just 18, became the youngest fighter in UFC history to walk away with a victory via 1st round submission over Jay Perrin. Quite an accomplishment for someone who hasn’t even graduated high school.
What’s even more impressive is the fact that the odds were stacked against him. I’m not talking betting odds as he was the favorite. I’m talking about the fact that he is a product of incest (alleged by me).
That face ladies and gentlemen, is 1000% brought to you by past generations of good ole fashioned incest. How do I know this? Raul has a classic case of Habsburg jaw, a condition where your lower jaw protrudes out further than your average bulldog’s from generations of bumpin’ uglies with family members. This condition can interfere with your ability to speak and close your mouth. Just watch Joe Rogan interview Raul Rosas Jr after his fight and see/hear for yourself.
Now I’m no geneticist but I know a Habsburg jaw when I see one.
The Habsburgs, the original Lannisters
The Spanish Habsburgs dynasty started in the 16th century with King Philip I. Philly dog had the great idea of keeping his bloodline “pure” and thought it was a great idea to start arranging marriages within the family. Brilliant! Throughout the dyNASTY, 9 out of 11 marriages were of incest. Cousins were marring cousins while uncles were marrying nieces putting the Lannisters to shame.
Eventually, the Habsburg reign came to an end in the 18th century with King Charles II because he couldn’t produce an heir. Weird. You’re saying if you have over 180 years of incestual breeding that the offspring will become so fucked up they can’t make babies? Never would have guessed!
The similarities between these 2 are STUNNING. Rather unfortunate for our guy Raul but he has a bright future and a sick nickname of “El Nino Problema”.
Lead guitarist of the RockBand band, COViD KiDS |
2 time Diverticulitis haver |
Addicted to snus and “your mom” jokes |
Was told by my gym teacher, Mr. Dewitt, that I wouldn’t amount to anything in life. Suck it Dewitt, I’m the Chief Editor aka the Blog Master!!