Red Sox re-hire known cheater Alex Cora

Like many sports fans hearing the news of Alex Cora being re-hired as the Boston Red Sox Manager this week, including some of my colleagues at 10k, I wanted to be mad…but I’m not. I’m jealous. A manager like him is willing to pull every string and throw all combinations of punches just to bring a title to their fan base, and that is something I want.

As you’re probably aware, this “win at all costs” mentality isn’t unheard of in Boston. The Celtics pissed on their salary cap and basically invented “super-teams” in the modern area of basketball ending a long championship drought after bringing on Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen (both notably former Timber-pups) to join Paul Pierce. The Patriots have a long list of infractions they’re ACCUSED of, but do you know what else they have? Championship parades…about one every three years over the last 20. I was in Boston celebrating with that franchise when they beat the Rams 2 years ago and you know what? IT WAS AWESOME.

Before you get up in arms about this take and start referencing sportsmanship and ethics standards you claim to believe in, do a little self reflection.

Do you follow the speed limit everywhere you go? No. Do you always wait for the walk signal at a stoplight when there’s no cars around? Probably not. Do you ever do the slow-roll through a stop-sign or stoplight? I bet you do. All of these things get you going where you want to be faster and I want a goddamn championship.

I know my audience, and I can hear you now, “You’re talking about traffic. That’s not relevant to sports at all.”

Cool, have you you ever seen a flag thrown in a football game? Have you ever been to a hockey game where someone takes a seat in the sin-bin? Has a basketball player ever gone to the free-throw line? News flash, that’s all as a result of “cheating” too.

You cheat to gain an advantage over your opponent and sometimes you get caught doing it. If you do, you take your lumps, serve your time, and get back to trying to win. Cora cheated. Cora got caught cheating. He’s served his time (albeit an astonishingly short 60-game season many didn’t want to be a part of anyways), and now he’s back.

Listen, I’d obviously prefer to do do it “the old fashioned way” too, but everyone knows that if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying. Nice guys finish last. I’m sick of being the Minnesota nice. I want to win.