Rudy, Rudy, Rudy!

Basketball NBA Timberwolves

The T-Wolves did the unthinkable. No, they didn’t trade for KD, but that man’s asking price just rose higher than 2022 gas prices thanks to our front office (Trying to dig 10K deeper into that Dad demographic with that joke). Anyway, our Minnesota Timberwolves traded the haul of a lifetime to hopefully find the answer to our playoff problems.

If you’re trying to improve the defense, I don’t think it gets any better than this. Rudy Gobert’s a 3-time DPOY and 6-time 1st Team All-Defensive player. This 7-footer should slide in perfectly next to Towns, arguably one of the best shooting bigs of all time. With this tandem, Ant, D-Lo, Prince, McDaniels, and a host of vets and high-motor defensive guys, the T-Wolves, in theory, should be able to stop guys like Brandon Clarke from getting 16 and 9 in playoff series while still dropping 120 a night.

Don’t get me wrong, the Minnesota Timberwolves traded their future away yesterday. Typically, having no future is ”bad,” at least that’s what my mom tells me. But pro sports are the one business where that’s allowed. Let’s not be mistaken, this move’s about one thing. That’s f****** winning.

Without further ado, I present the list of things the Timberwolves could’ve traded for instead with that massive haul.

Different Routes the Minnesota Timberwolves Could’ve Taken:

1. Elon Musk’s Net Worth

Maybe he has $219.3 billion now. But when we’re talking about the future, Musk’s could be cloudy. It wouldn’t be if he had the assets the T-Wolves were willing to give up.

2. The NBA Itself

3. The Whole LIV Golf Tour

I’m not sure the entire contract worth of the LIV tour, but I know they have cash. I mean they gave Bryson $100mil, DJ $150 mil, Phil $200 mil, and offered Tiger $500 mil. The T-Wolves haul probably still gets it done.

4. Easily 3 Private Islands

Here’s some islands I found for sale. Rangyai Island in Thailand lists for $160 mil, Pumpkin Key Island in Florida has a $95 mil price tag, and Royal Island in The Bahamas only costs $40 mil. I think Towns and Gobert’s full contracts are worth more alone.

5. The Moon?

I’m not sure what the moon costs, but it can’t be more than 5 first-rounders, counting Walker Kessler, 2 starters, and a 3-D threat off the bench? That would be just ridiculous.

A Championship is Priceless

The Minnesota Timberwolves traded away their future for a prized player. Nobody can fault them for that. Even if they would’ve went a different route and traded for one of the items above, a championship is priceless. Sometimes you have to pony up for it.