Let me start by saying this is a blog only men can truly understand.
I’ll call it the urinal bounce back.
What’s a urinal bounce back?
For you boys sitting down to pee… Or the girls reading this: The urinal bounce back is exactly as it sounds. It’s when you’re using a urinal and you get counter-attacked by the reflection. If struck this can lead to a polka-dot disaster on your pants.
Embarrassingly enough this happened to me at Target today, and yes, I went right when I “walked” in. Technically you could call it a light run (I really had to go). Jog in, let it fly and BOOM! Instant bounce back. Aimed down more, still bouncing back. Took a small step away yet my piss was still reflecting, now hitting lower on my leg! Thankfully no one witnessed this because the only solution was for me to perform the stop-and-go, which reminded me of this scene from Grown-Ups.
Long-story short, if anyone happened to take a look at my shorts during my Target visit they probably would’ve noticed a couple of dots down yonder. Luckily, I was wearing the right color to minimize the small damage but the annoyance was all the same.
The Solution? SPLASH HOGS
Yes, there is a solution to this madness and that solution is Splash Hogs. The best invention since sliced bread.
Obviously, I must tell you how I got introduced to these things. It all started one night @ Serums in downtown Anoka. The drinks were flowing and the seal had unfortunately been broken. That’s when I started peeing and instantly noticed the “Splash Hog” in the back of the toilet!
It goes all the way up the back which was something I hadn’t seen before. The other thing I discovered was the noise. It was different which then made me realize I could pee as hard as I wanted off this thing with no bounce back EVER. I’ve been in there many times since this first experience and each time it amazes me more and more.
You may think this sounds stupid but it’s seriously a gamechanger. Every urinal in the world MUST have this to help stop the stupid bounce-back bullshit.
On Amazon Here’s The About This Item Description
Amazon- Splash Hogs.
- STOPS SPLASH WHERE GUYS AIM
- No Splash Reduces splashback where guys generally aim, keeping you and the restroom cleaner
- 60 Day Fragrance Lasts twice as long as most urinal screens
- Patented Product The only urinal screen on the market that goes up the back wall of a urinal
- Cleaner Drains Loaded with an enzymatic drain cleaner to reduce build-up down the line
Mandate a Law That Requires ALL Urinals to Equip SPLASH HOGS.
This is far-fetched but once you experience a Splash Hog you’ll understand & never want to go back. That’s why I am hoping and asking that someone can point me in the direction of how to mandate a law that requires Splash Hogs to be equipped in every urinal.
It blows my mind I haven’t seen these in more places. Here, watch this educational video and just imagine how much pee is on the ground in a bar restroom on a Saturday night. All preventable if they just had a splash hog.
Final Thoughts
You can’t write a blog about urinals without mentioning the Metrodome “Trough Urinals”.
Next time you approach a urinal and accidentally encounter the bounce back just remember the words “Splash Hog”.
Every public restroom must make a movement NOW by investing in these life-changing contraptions, aka the best invention since sliced bread!
Some people call me MarTy and some people call me Ryan. Wildcard when it comes to my writing. #FadeMe if I ever tweet out “locks”.