Super Bowl Commercials Suck!

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The most wonderful time of year is coming to an end. Football season. Fortunate for us, we always get to go out with a bang. The fucking Super Bowl. What isn’t there to like? You get a free excuse to gather with friends and family to stuff your face and get hammered on a Sunday. On top of that, you can call into work on Monday and your boss really can’t say shit. What could ruin such a beautiful day? The god damn commercials. Super Bowl commercials suck.

The Commercial People

young people talking kitchen Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free)  1020267118 | Shutterstock
Have You Tried Megan’s Buffalo Chicken Dip?

The above picture is an accurate sight of anyone’s kitchen of someone who hosts a Super Bowl party during the coin flip or really anytime there’s any actual football on at all. While the real ones are holding in their piss after 10 beers and sweating the bets they made on BettorEdge, the “Kitchen Crew” is swapping crock pot recipes and spilling tea.

Now I’m not saying the Kitchen Crew are bad people. They really are a necessary evil that provides all of the food to such a party. If I had a Super Bowl party full of Renz’s, all that would be served would be Coors Light, that can of popcorn split into 3 different flavors that I got for Christmas that I haven’t opened yet, and grizzly wintergreen pouches.

Mike's Popcorn 2 Gallon Custom Tin With 3 Flavors
Thanks Grandma

The one thing that makes me cringe is when they say, “I just like watching the commercials.” What the hell are you talking about?

I’ve invested a good chunk of my life the past 5 months into something that cumulates to this Sunday. I’ve got half my last paycheck on this game and your just here for the commercials?! I get that not everyone is a football fan and all are welcome to the party. But please don’t ask me what Kate said to Chad last weekend at the bar when I got C.J. Uzomah anytime scorer and the Bengals are in the redzone.

The Commercials Themselves

What are we doing?

I like Amy Schumer and I like mayonnaise. This and no commercial I see on Super Bowl Sunday is gonna make me say “Fuck, first thing in the morning I’m gonna go run and get some Hellmann’s.”

The commercials used to be good. Back in the day it seemed like the commercials were more about the actual commercial than the actual product itself.

Now that’s a commercial. I just went on an emotional journey for the 1000th time seeing this commercial.

Yeah that guy was wearing a Budweiser hat and if you take the Budweiser ad out at the end you would think this is just a nice little short movie in the middle of the biggest football game of the year. A needed distraction from losing every bet up to that point.

Give me more commercials to laugh and cry over on my Super Bowl Sunday.

Enjoy The Day, Even If You’re A Vikings Fan

VIDEOS: Sad Vikings fans react to gut-punch loss in different ways. |  theScore | Scoopnest

At the end of the day we’re all Vikings fans that wish we could be watch our team play for the Lombardi trophy. The sad reality is that it feels like that may never happen. Maybe one day, and if that’s the case then I won’t need to worry about commercials because I took out a loan and was able to bag last row seats for $5000. But until then…I’ll just drink all day Sunday and pass out with dreams of Kirk hoisting that trophy and nightmares of B list celebrities promoting avocados and laundry detergent.

Regardless if you’re here for the commercials or the game or even both. Super Bowl Sunday is one of the best days of the year and everyone is here to enjoy it. So gather with friends and family and eat those crock pot meals. Get Hammered. Lose your most recent paycheck on betting heads or tails. Just make sure to savor it because we got 7 months until next season.