Taco Bell Defy: The Future is Here


Taco Bell Defy just changed the fast food game FOREVER. The unveiling of their new restaurant/facility in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota might be the biggest thing to happen to the state since October 27, 1991. For full transparency, I’ve had a blog about this place sitting in the 10K draft vault for nearly a year. As soon as news broke about the plan to construct this oasis, I was a believer. Now that it’s here, all of the rumors and hype around it have been exceeded.

For the many positives about Taco Bell, there has always been one downfall. The wait in the late-night drive through line. It’s a place where the bar crowd and stoners all meet up in an attempt to grab a glimpse of Jessi Pierce after a Minnesota Wild win. That kind of clientele does not always have the fastest reaction time and leads to a ridiculous wait in the drive through line. When you promised your Uber driver it’d be a quick stop, every second matters. Taco Bell Defy has solved that problem with the ability to skip that nonsense with their two dedicated mobile order pick up lines. They came up with “Fourthmeal” so it’s only right they solved how to do it better.

Millennials Haven’t Ruined EVERYTHING

Not only have these geniuses eliminated the long lines that millennials hate, but they’ve eliminated the need for any human interaction as well. With no option to order from inside the store, and everything being done by touch screen or mobile orders, you don’t ever have to feel ashamed for ordering a Crunchwrap Supreme meal, Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Chicken Chipotle Melt, and Nacho Fries all for one person. Instead, your food is delivered down the ‘Food Tube’ the same way to the capsules at a bank go through. This means no judgmental stares from the employees as they hand over the multiple bags and extra large Baja Blast Freeze either.

Gonna Deposit My Check Either Way

Nothing hit quite like the pinks, purples, and blues that once made up the inside of a Taco Bell. Shifting from their 90’s décor to the current scheme will always be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s about as good as a re-brand gets. With buildings like this now, we’re officially ahead of the times. Some (noted architecture buffs) have gone as far to say it’s downright beautiful…in their own way. I can’t say I disagree. Others have even said it’ll drive as much tourism to the state as the Mall of America given the restaurant’s cult following.

Live (and Love) Mas

Haters Gonna Hate

The hype and immediate success of the location obviously could not go without detractors. Sunny Delight, who nobody has heard of since the mid-90’s, jumped into the giant’s mentions with a low blow directed at the land of 10,000 lakes. Some have agreed with the leader of early onset diabetes, while others have defended this great state. With all of our sports teams letting the state down every year, just let us have this one thing, okay?

Taco Bell Forever

Twenty years ago, McDonalds was king when it came to fast food. In the last decade, Taco Bell has blown those clowns out of the water. Better advertising, better branding, (surprisingly) healthier food, and a much more loyal fanbase. What’s more insane is that they use like 20 total ingredients. Their schtick of just putting them together in different forms is part of the beauty and genius that is Taco Bell.

Sure, there may have been a scandal where people spread patently false accusations about T-Bell’s meat including sand and/or worms. A southern law firm even tried to sue the greatest fast food chain to ever exist over the matter, but that was quickly withdrawn as well. The rumor that they had to call it “Beefy” 5-layer burrito instead of just calling it beef was the most damaging, but (Maury Povich voice) that too was a lie.

Recently, the chain has been a lot more open about what’s actually in the (perfectly seasoned) beef mixture. It is “only” 88% beef, which sounds scary at first, but the way that the government makes companies categorize ingredients, a Japanese A5 Wagyu steak would only be 50% beef, because the other 50% is technically delicious beef fat. Regardless of how the sausage is made, the T-Bell faithful (myself included) will always stand by their side.