There are few things in life that I love more than sports. I love watching sports, talking about sports, writing about sports, hell I even work in sports (kinda). Now, I say all that to say that I love my wife INFINITELY more than I love sports. And she doesn’t care about sports at all.
She’ll watch with me, because she’s a wonderful, beautiful angel who wants me to be happy, but she truly could not care less. “Go sports, do the thing” is a phrase often heard, with varying degrees of sarcasm, to my left on the couch. “I bet his mommy is so proud of him,” she’ll say after Justin Jefferson scores a touchdown or Ryan Hartman sends Michael Bunting to the Shadow Realm.
Now, because she puts up with a lot of sports viewing in our household, she’s heard just about every theme song in sports. One day, a few weeks ago, we sat down, opened up a bottle of wine, and she gave her thoughts and ranked each one that she’s heard. Without further ado, the best theme songs in sports according to my wife.
Thursday Night Football
Turns out when you Google “best theme songs in sports” the TNF theme is the first option, so that’s what we started with for our jumping off point. Here’s the theme in case you need it, and my wife’s take is in quotes right below.“I don’t care for this one, it’s got low energy. It feels like the song that’s playing when you’re in line for a ride at Disney world.”
NBA on TNT
Rather than do my homework ahead of time for this bit, we just found someone to make a giant compilation of the different theme songs in sports and this one happened to be next. Once again, her take is below.“This one is definitely better than Thursday Night Football! It’s like the soundtrack of a sports montage in a Disney Channel Original Movie!”
I love the way this woman thinks.
NFL on CBS
By now, you get how the bit is going. This is one I expected her to recognize right away because she hears it damn near every Sunday.
Needless to say, Mrs. Dev is a fan.
NHL on NBC
This is the theme song that originally inspired me for this bit almost 2 years ago. Back in the 2020 hockey playoffs in the bubble, it was the first time since we graduated where our schedules actually lined up consistently. Which meant it was also the first time I forced her to watch every minute of playoff hockey with me from our own home. So she heard this song at least 400 times during that month. It also means she saw this ad about 400 times like the rest of us.
“This is #1,” she says, before she stops for a minute and just hums it on repeat. “All the other songs wish they were that one. The different songs can’t all be produced by the same person/studio because this one is clearly superior.”
SEC on CBS
This is probably the one theme song she’s heard the most in our near decade of her pretending-but-not-really-pretending to care about watching sports because she loves me. War Eagle.
“I do like this one. I don’t think they’ve changed it since the 90s? It sounds like I’m in 1998. But I like it. It gets stuck in my head.”
NFL on FOX
Another weekly staple in the North Carolina 10K House.
“If I were a person who exercised, this is what I would play on the elliptical. It’s very motivating. This is up there with the hockey one. I’m not prepared to say if it’s better or worse. It’s just so good.”
College Football on EPSN
Who doesn’t love college football? The pageantry, the tradition. Surely the most important games of all will have an equally important and impressive theme song.
“I know I should like this one, but it’s kinda lame. It’s fine I guess? It should be better.”
Can’t win ’em all, ESPN.
World Series on FOX
Baseball is BACK, so naturally we had to include this one.
Instead of giving a take on this one she just makes a fart noise with her mouth and starts humming I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman by Britney Spears instead. Basically the same song, but better.
Throwback Thursday Night Football (Bells edition)
One of the perks quirks of Thursday Night Football having like 5 different homes over the years is that they also have had a bunch of different theme songs.
“This one’s very Christmas-y. I feel like this is the song they play in the Christmas movie where someone has to save Christmas in a very triumphant movie. Like “ok, Tim Allen, go save Christmas now” It’s a bop though.”
NCAA Basketball on CBS
As a side note, I made the mistake of not playing One Shining Moment for her. I can pretend it’s some sort of narrative stand about how it’s not even a finalist for one of the best theme songs in sports or whatever. The truth is, I just missed it. That’s my bad.
“Is this from Back to the Future?!” No. “Are you sure? I think this is plagiarism on Back to the Future.”
I’m not even sure what that means.
Sunday Night Football
I’ve been waiting all day for Sunday Night.
“Haven’t we already done this one?” she asks, sincerely. I respond no, it’s the Sunday Night Football theme on NBC. She quickly adds Oh! That makes sense! The NBC guy found his niche! Good job, fella, This is good.”
Monday Night Football
A classic. One of the OGs, and one of the best for a reason. What else needs to be said? Oh, yeah. The only appropriate prelude to this theme song: Are you ready for some football?
“OOOOO! I know this one!” She then starts bopping along to the beat. “This one is simple, to the point, catchy, and then OOO JAMES BOND ALL OF THE SUDDEN. It’s what you’ve heard before AND THEN James Bond. This could have words! ‘This is a sport! We are playing SPOOOORRRTS!’ It’s just BEGGING for lyrics. They should hire me for that.”
Hire my wife, Skipper Pitaro.
NHL on ESPN
We were all super pumped when ESPN got the NHL rights because we were waiting with baited breath to find out if this beauty would return. And God bless it, it did. I was thrilled. My wife? Not so much.
“Wait there’s more? Fine. It sounds like it’s from an old SEGA video game. Like Crash Bandicoot has to go save the world. Nothing else to add.”
F1 theme song
Look, I’ll be honest. I had never heard this one before, but we told our friend about this project and she said this absolutely needed to be included. And she was right. The F1 Theme is EPIC.
“It’s got zoomies! It’s very inspirational, it makes me feel like I could scale a mountain…and now it’s got a chorus??? All the other songs should include sounds of the sport. Hockey should include guys losing teeth in real time, football should be rhythmic hitting. Wow. Well done, F1.”
Editors (read, wife’s) note/Honorable Mention
“The Final Countdown should be a theme song. Europe (the band, not the continent) shouldn’t have taken that. It feels like a sports theme song. It would be one of the best theme songs in sports. Definitely top ten.”
So In Conclusion, The Final Theme Songs in Sports Rankings
- NHL on NBC
- NFL on FOX
- NFL on CBS
- Sunday Night Football
- Monday Night Football
- SEC on CBS
- F1 Theme Song
- The Final Countdown
- NCAA Basketball on CBS
- Throwback Thursday Night Football
- NBA on TNT
- World Series Theme
- College Football on ESPN
- Thursday Night Football
Minnesota sports weren’t stressful enough, so I went to Auburn. Diehard everything fan. Will drink beer for money. Deathly allergic to chicken.