Holy. Shit. The new Fast and Furious movie from The Fast Saga is already my favorite film of all time and F9 doesn’t even drop until June 25th. Two full months of adrenaline-filled wait time, this must be how suburban housewives feel putting away Halloween decorations as Christmas approaches! If you haven’t seen the trailer yet, take the time out of your day to watch this MASTERPIECE.
From stealing DVD players to THIS INSANITY!The entire basis of this franchise is patently ridiculous at this point…and I LOVE IT. We’ve got cars FLYING and now we’re adding super-magnets that seemingly only affect the bad guys in this one!? Who gives a shit if they ripped off 6 Underground?! IT’S THE FAST AND THE FUCKING FURIOUS BABY!!!! What the hell, why not! If you want a realistic movie, feel free to go check out “Marriage Story” “This is 40” or “Manchester by the Sea” and try to tell me you don’t want to jump off a fucking bridge.
Everybody’s entitled to their own opinion, but if you prefer to come out of a theater utterly depressed rather than full of happiness and adrenaline, maybe try talking to someone about that? I imagine I’d enjoy a good cry as much as the next person, but I haven’t cried since that Sarah McLachlan sad dog commercial left late-night TV (editor’s note: if you didn’t cry at the end of Furious 7, you have no soul) and I’m not about to break that streak now.Somewhere along the line, I lost touch with Dom & the rest of the
What’s more could they do?
Is this a money-grab for some new actors? Absolutely. Does that change the opinion I’ve already formed about the film? Absolutely fucking NOT. Athletes flock to championship caliber teams after they’ve already established themselves and this is no different. One thing that IS different this time around, there’s a new face in town.What do you add to a franchise that’s already had Gal Gadot, Jason Statham, DJ Khaled, (ANOTHA ONE!) and
Theatres WILL Be Packed Again
Across the country, movie theatres are already preparing their staff. They haven’t seen this much buzz since Wall Street Bets and Reddit took over the stock market and pumped AMC’s market value. They’ve stocked up on Sour Patch Kids and Icees as the youth of America returns to the big screen. For this movie alone, I’ve heard there’s plans in place to address all the energy drinks that are snuck in. The 2021 Oscars are taking place on Sunday, April 25th. That may be the very last Oscars show needed if this franchise can pump out a new movie every year. It’s a guaranteed winner in every category.
Some people got a little too hype for the release. They recreated the bridge scene from “2 Fast 2 Furious”!
People have long ridiculed the way this franchise labels their movies, but I’ve figured this one out. It’s simply titled “F9” and the F is for FUCKING AWESOME. My body is ready. RIP Paul Walker, and long live the Fast franchise!
I’ve been hit by cars three times, which is an indication of how stubborn I am.
I write about everything across the board, but focus on Hockey and the pain that is Minnesota sports.
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