protester glue girl at timberwolves game

The Protester Wolves Would win it all.

Basketball NBA Timberwolves
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Protestor

The ’95 Bulls, the 72-10 Warriors, and the Protester Wolves. Maybe the three most dominant teams in NBA history. Minnesota Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor accidentally created one of the greatest teams in the NBA by killing 5 million chickens. Whether it’s because they had Bird flu or he was just hungry, I say keep it coming Glen…we need these wins! It started with Glue Girl, then Chain Girl, and Saturday we had a fake NBA ref girl? Regardless of the protestor’s methods, the Wolves are unstoppable when someone disrupts the game to hate on the already pretty hateable Glen Taylor.

Protester 1: Glue Girl

protester at timberwolves play in game against the clippers glues her hand to the court
Timberwolves fan glues hand to the court

The one who started it all. Our true hero. Glue Girl. With nothing but a bottle of Elmer’s and a dream to ruin Glen Taylor’s image, Glue Girl ran out on the court during a free throw and all hell broke loose during the Wolves vs. Clippers play-in game. The Wolves were down 7 and with the game not trending their way they needed something to turn it around. Glue Girl put her hand to the ground and the T-Wolves went on a 15-3 to end the quarter. They went on to win 109-104 and were headed to Memphis for Game 1. 1-0 in Protester games.

Protestor 2: Chain Girl

protester at timberwolves game in memphis taken away by security after chaining herself to the hoop

Game 1 in Memphis was the Wolves best playoff game so far, but why not make it a sure thing by adding a protester to make it a sure thing. She’s best known Chain Girl took out a plastic chain, bypassed security, and chained herself to the hoop until security broke it loose and carried her off the floor. Memphis security was about as bad as the Grizzlies defense that night as the Wolves stomped them 130-117. Wolves are now 2-0 in protester games.

Fake Ref Girl

Maybe the worst attempt yet. She got overshadowed by the security guard’s elite acceleration and tackling ability. Despite running on the court she didn’t get her shirt off to show the fake ref jersey or what was written on the back. Since she was in the second row she had to jump the first row and almost hit the Wolves owner Glen Taylor’s wife Becky.

While most people in Minnesota hate Glen, you don’t touch Becky. Give Props to the Wolves security guard. Give him a raise, make him Chief of Staff. If I’m Glen Taylor, I’m hiring multiple protesters to storm the Memphis courts and secure us into the second round of the playoffs.

Finally, the Timberwolves are 3-0 in Protester Games. 2-2 in the series. It’s obvious what needs to be done. Wolves in 6.

Howl.

protester at timberwolves game tackled by security