Drake tries to act in an ad.

The Super Bowl Commercials Are Super Terrible!

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The Super Bowl is always a big deal to anyone that watches football, and really big events on tv in general. And everything is beefed up for the big day: 6-hour long pregame shows, elaborate coin toss & intros, and the unforgettable halftime show. And you can’t forget the prop bets! The same goes for the Super Bowl commercials. But it seems like for a while, the Super Bowl commercials have started to go downhill, and no one’s really putting in any fucking effort. Or they are all bullshit.

My dude needed that paycheck like he needs a nap.

Take for example, this horrible fucking Doritos commercial. It was about a quarter of the way through the game when this came on, and I immediately became furious.

Doritos was once a brand famous for knocking it out the park with their big game ads. Watch those previous ads and try not to laugh. And now we’re supposed to think Flat Stanley, but McConaughey is funny? This was so cringeworthy, I could barely stand to watch til the end. Not to mention Matthew McConaughey looks like he had a rough 2020, and it’s haunting me when I sleep.

But forget the content of the commercial, let’s think on what the actual product is: Doritos 3D? That will be forgotten in a year, I promise you. The problem is none of these ads are for anything that’s actually good. John Cena and the new, gross flavor of Mountain Dew? Don Cheadle and ANOTHER seltzer on the market? Lil Baby and Rockstar energy? Tell me the last time you drank one of those, they’re fucking gross.

I have the perfect ad in waiting: all I need is someone to call me on it. Jimmy John’s, you have my number. Or at least my Twitter.