The Twins Are Playing Baseball Again!


Breaking News: It’s Spring Training for the Minnesota Twins! Cue the obligatory “Hallelujah” chorus, because baseball season starts every February whether we like it or not. For those unfamiliar with the ritual, imagine a bunch of spandex-clad dudes swinging sticks at white balls while simultaneously perfecting the art of looking dejected. It’s basically a metaphor for my dating life. Totally joking, I’m happily married, Happy Valentine’s Day, Alyssa, I love you!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Austan, haven’t you learned your lesson about hyping up Minnesota sports fans as you’re wrong on virtually everything?” Well, listen, sunshine and beer do funny things to a man’s optimism. 

The Power of Positive Affirmations

We’ve tried everything else: blood sacrifices to the Baseball Gods (turns out they prefer kale smoothies), mass consumption of lutefisk (don’t ask), and collective therapy sessions focused on letting go of 1991 (spoiler alert: it didn’t work). So, this year, we’re embracing the power of positive affirmations. Repeat after me: “Byron Buxton won’t pull a hamstring on the first swing. Carlos Correa won’t forget how to field. And all our pitchers will finally figure out the concept of April.” See? Instant zen. 

The Law of Averages (Except When It Applies to the Twins)

Look, statistically speaking, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Even a cursed franchise like the Twins has to stumble into a World Series eventually, right? Right? crickets chirping Okay, maybe not. But hey, a man can dream.

The “Nobody Believes in Us” Factor

Remember 2021? We were the laughingstock of the AL Central, and then BAM! We were almost good. Almost. Keyword: almost. But hey, at least we fooled everyone for a hot minute. This includes last season. But let it be known, if you weren’t chanting at Target Field or from your overly priced couch “Let’s Go Twins” then you, pal, are no fan.

Let’s channel that underdog energy again, embrace the doubters, and turn their scoffs into a symphony of “I told you so’s” that would make even Celine Dion jealous.

We Can Still Have Fun, Right? 

Even if this post ends up being as accurate as a politician’s promise, at least we had a moment, right? And at the start of spring training that’s all we really need. Just remember, if things go south (and let’s be real, they probably will), there’s always the joy of setting fire to your Twins jersey.