The Vikings And The Taylor Swift/NFL Conspiracy

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The Vikings finally got their first win last week against the Panthers. Not real impressive against a bad team but we’ll take a win where we can get it at this point. But we’re not even CLOSE to being the headline of the NFL right now. You know what is? Taylor Fucking Swift. I’m not gonna lie…I am sick of hearing about it. I don’t give a shit about her or her dating life. Her music is fine and she seems like a decent person but when I got 4 leg Underdog Pick ‘Em entry (use code 10k when you sign up for free $$$), I don’t need to see her talking with Blake Lively (babe) every 3 minutes.

What I do care about, however, is how this “relationship” is going to impact the Vikings game this Sunday when they play the Chiefs. Here’s how its gonna play out if she shows up on Sunday at US Bank Stadium.

If She Shows Up

Boy, for all of this hullabaloo on Sunday, she better fucking show up. And not just so our guy Caden can show her around the Twin Cities. Look at what the possibility of her being in the building has done to ticket prices. Cheapest seat is $200 right now.

If she does show up, they’ll show her on TV a billion times and I’m sure on the big screen at the stadium its fair share. But who cares.

The Chiefs SHOULD win this game. And if Taylor Swift and her fans show up on Sunday? The Chiefs win this game. It’s too delicious of a story for the NFL for their team (Let’s be honest. The Chiefs are the NFL’s team) not to keep winning when she shows up. It’s a win/win for her and NFL. All the publicity that they are creating off of each other is bananas. Which then will turn into money. Something that I think both Taylor Swift and the NFL have an abundance of.

Sorry Vikings. If Taylor Swift shows up, the Vikings will get fucked over by the NFL this week.

Is She Doesn’t Show Up

Every teenage girl at the stadium will be devastated. It will somehow still be the biggest NFL news on Sunday morning. Silly. And for the result of the game? Hear me out…

If Taylor Swift doesn’t show up, the Minnesota Vikings will win this game.

It’s true. And it’s not because the Kirk played out of his mind. Or the defense was somehow able to slow down Patrick Mahomes. It’s because it’s exactly what the NFL wants to happen. It’s believable too. Chiefs have been uncharacteristically good this year with the loss to the Lions and barely escaping the Jets last week. As well in typical Vikings fashion, we have had all one score games so far this season.

What a story it would be. The first game she’s missed since in the past couple since her and Travis Kelce were “official.” Barf. She turns into the Chiefs good luck charm and she doesn’t miss another game the rest of the season. They go on to win the Super Bowl again and and her, Travis Kelce and Roger Goodell go on to live happily ever after with their billions of dollars. The only positive out of this is that the Vikings get the dub and our season isn’t dead yet.

I don’t believe that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are actually in love. This is one of the greatest hoaxes of our generation and America is falling for it. You heard it here first.

If they are in love and this whole thing is legit? I’m happy for them but please everybody…stop fucking talking about it.