The one thing that I can guarantee you when you live in Minnesota is that driving is always a pain in the ass. In the winter, the roads are covered in snow and ice and in the summer they’re covered in orange traffic cones and assholes. The scenario where the cones and assholes really thrive is the wonderful zipper merge. The merge of Minnesota nice, shitty drivers and flared tempers. That combination equals one thing. The zipper merge doesn’t work.
What Is The Zipper Merge?If you live in Minnesota you should know what the zipper merge is. Should. Buuuuut 80% of the people don’t do a zipper merge when they’re supposed to, I guess I’d better explain a little.
It’s a very difficult concept for Minnesotans to so grasp.It doesn’t seem too difficult. If a lane closes and two need to merge just stay in your lane and merge when it goes down to one lane.
Why It Doesn’t Work
I had a first hand experience this past weekend why the zipper merge doesn’t work.Coming back from the Brainerd lakes area (beautiful weekend btw), I encountered a few construction projects where the highway went from two lanes down to one. Here’s a dramatic reenactment of how everyone reacted…
The shitty drivers immediately start speeding up and switching lanes to try and get ahead of everyone. Is it really worth it to go through all that trouble to get ahead of like five cars? It is not. Calm down, psychos.
The Minnesota NiceTM drivers stay in the lane with EVERYBODY else. We then proceed to form a gigantic line because they think if they get in the other lane like you’re supposed to, people will think you’re an asshole. And when the get to the merging part they let in numerous cars to be nice, but in reality just fucking over everyone else behind them.
Then we have the assholes drivers that will merge early and and won’t let anyone in when it comes to the point to merge. News flash, you have to let some people in asshole! It’s a dilemma in society because the assholes think you’re the asshole for merging at the last second.
Look, I think we all think the zipper merge was a nice idea. But, not pointing any fingers, it coulda been done better. I mean seriously, for something so simple it’s weird it doesn’t get taught at Driver’s Ed.
Cheers to the zipper merge and cabin traffic every Sunday.
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