Picture this, you’ve been training for months to run a marathon. All the countless hours and miles have prepared you for this moment. It’s finally race day, you’re ready. Mile 10 you smell cigarette smoke and think “wtf”. All of a sudden a fellow runner blows a smoke ring in your face and literally leaves you in a cloud of (cig) dust. You start coughing uncontrollably in both shock and amazement that a man rippin’ darts just passed you. As you try contain your coughing attack, you realize you didn’t take a pre-marathon dump and shit your pants. 3 hours later, you finish well below your intended time with chaffed nipples and a severe case of mud butt. This leads to a domino affect of losing your job, wife/kids and house leaving you in a deep state of depression. You never lace up the running shoes again.
This hypothetical situation probably didn’t happen to the gentleman above but I can only imagine how livid he was getting passed by a man chain-smoking cigs. Or maybe it did?
Do cigarettes give you super powers?
Valid question. I highly doubt it but this 50 year old Chinese man, who goes by “Uncle Chen”, may think otherwise. He became a celebrity over night as he finished the Xin’anjiang Marathon in Jiande, China with an time of 3 hours and 28 minutes all while chain-smoking cancer sticks. Uncle Chen ended up finishing 574th out of 1500 runners. Honestly, this is one of the most impressive athletic performances of all time.
Believe it or not, local Chinese media confirmed that he only rips heater WHILE RUNNING MARATHONS!?!?! WHAT!?
Uncle Chen has inspired me to run the degenerate mile
What’s the degenerate mile? I’m literally making this up right now as I type. The degenerate mile is a beer mile combined with chain-smoking chundies. 4 beers + 4 cigarettes + 1 mile ran = degenerate mile. I will follow the official beer mile rules where you have to chug 1 beer per lap but I will be adding a cig per lap as well to verify if they do indeed give you super powers.
I will complete the degenerate mile at a TBD time and a TBD location. You are more than welcome to compete against me but like Uncle Chen did to his competitors, I’ll leave you in a cloud of dust.
Lead guitarist of the RockBand band, COViD KiDS |
2 time Diverticulitis haver |
Addicted to snus and “your mom” jokes |
Was told by my gym teacher, Mr. Dewitt, that I wouldn’t amount to anything in life. Suck it Dewitt, I’m a blogger!!