Tom Brady, arguably the greatest champion of all time, retired the other day. Obviously, I didn’t count Bobby Boucher because leading the ole’ Mud Dogs to a gat damn Bourbon Bowl Championship, after being down 27-0 at halftime, is simply a feat that will never be matched. However, I digress. With Tom Brady’s retirement, we lose a career unlike any other. His legacy includes more touchdowns, yards, Super Bowls, Microsoft Surface smashes, and kissed children than any other player. Even in his age 44 season, his retirement came as a surprise, considering he led the Buccaneers to a playoff win while pacing the league in both passing yards and touchdowns. While most regard this as a tragedy for football, others have reason to rejoice. Especially Kirk Cousins, who I believe might be the biggest winner in all of this. Here’s why.
Tom Brady’s retirement makes Kirk Cousins at least the 6th best QB in the NFC.6 out of 16, that’s pretty freakin’ good. I wasn’t even in the top 38% of my 3rd-grade flag football team, and there were only 5 people. Do the math on that. God knows I can’t. This actually improves to top 5 if the Packers trade Rodgers out west. Now you may be wondering how Kirk could possibly be a top 5 QB if you’ve suffered as a Vikings’ fan for the last four years. The stats show a QB who’s thrown for an average of 31 TDs, 4,097 yards, and a passer rating of 103.8. The record shows a QB who’s uhhhh…a great guy. I can’t say he’s better than Rodgers, Kyler, Dak, or Russ, but he’s definitely better than the rest. You could argue Jalen Hurts might be better in 2021 based on wins, athleticism, and playoff appearances, but it would kinda ruin my point so we’re not going to mention it.
Tom Brady’s retirement makes Kirk Cousins the 2nd best QB in the NFL who played at a BIG 10 school.
Now you might be thinking, who cares. That’s a fair thought. Hear me out though, when are the most important football games played? Dead of winter. What’s the weather like in winter? Colder than a Coors with blue mountains. What’s the Big 10 notable for? Freezing, snowing, smash-mouth football. If you need a playoff wizard to go into the frozen tundra, throw 3 second-half picks, and still get the job done, Kirk could be that guy.
Tom Brady’s Retirement makes Kirk Cousins’ contract one spot closer to the lowest for a starting QB in the league.The Vikings pay Kirk Cousins $33 million to help win an average of 8.25 games every year. Some think that’s too much, whereas others also think that’s too much. Fortunately for Kirk, Tom Brady’s retirement makes that number look a whole lot better. Brady only made an average of $25 million with the Buccaneers over the course of his two seasons. The Buccaneers have hardly anything to show for it either, besides that one Lombardi trophy that nobody cares about. At least the Vikings locked up 2 more Probowl bids with their $115 million investment. With Brady’s exit, Kirk’s contract looks more and more like a Kohl’s clearance rack every day. 50-80% off baby. Relatively speaking, he might just become a bargain in 2022.
If I’m Kirk Cousins right now, I’m happier than Tom Brady when he won his 7th Super Bowl. The man just skyrocketed up the league rankings by simply existing. Being 6th best in the NFC, 2nd best from the BIG 10, and relatively cheaper than before? Asking for anything else seems greedy at this point. As the saying goes, good things come to those who wait for legends to retire.Ever wonder what Tom Brady’s career would have been like if he was drafted by the Vikings? Click here to find out.
P.S. We love Kirk for everything, especially his exclusive 10K Takes interviews.
I’m just the ugly stepson of the 10K family. Part Minnesotan, Part Wisconsinite. Half best friend, half mortal enemy. Can’t live with me, can’t live without me.