PED’s and World Championships
I attempted to contact Tony La Russa at his residence at Shady Acres retirement home, which he shares with his wife.
Every single time, day or night, I got the same answer.
“He’s laying down for a nap now.” Or “He fell asleep early. Please call tomorrow.”
After a frustrating 13-14 calls to La Russa’s residence at Shady Acres, I finally received an email from Coach La Russa in the form of a Press Release. Apparently Tony is some kind of an inventor during the end of the middle of the end of the end of his life.
As you’ll see below, Tony is parlaying his past shady managing practices into what the Coach believes will be a “hot seller” for a public looking to deny blame and responsibility for their actions.
HOF Baseball Person. The Face of the Chicago White Sox organization.
Nobody sacrifices honor and respect for the game and its fans for personal glory like Tony La Puss…a…Russa.
“…After all, we kept winning.”
HOF Baseball Guy Tony La Russa
Tony La Russa’s P.R.O. Blinders
Tony La Russa PRO Blinders” will be available for purchase next week at a store near you.
The Blinders are what the coach calls a passion project over 35 years in the making.
“I started wearing blinders in the late 1980’s while coaching the Oakland A’s.
After you see Ricky Henderson shooting copious amounts of steroids into Jose Canseco’s ass enough times you tend to try and turn a blind eye to what they’re doing. After all, we kept winning.”
“I knew that I HAD to prepare to be able to claim plausible deniability when eventually the shit hit the fan.
I GOT A BABY DICK FROM P.E.D.’S BRO!!!!
Canseco used to have to bring a magnifying glass to the ballpark everyday just to take a piss.
Eckersley’s nickname for Jose was “Baby-Dick” which he’d yell from the bullpen when he’d strikeout.”
I’ve always wondered what style Eck masturbated with: normal, sidearm, or submarine arm slot. Whichever he chooses, I’m sure he pumped his fist and yelled when he was done.
The Press Release Continued…
“For years people would ask me, “Tony, how is it that you can continue to get jobs in Major League Baseball with all the cheating you’ve been associated with in your career?
I tell them there’s 2 things I got goin for me:
One: I’m an old white guy.
Two: I always, ALWAYS have my blinders on when I’m around players I manage who are cheating.
Whether it’s on the job, on the go, or ignoring my drinking problem, they are always within reach.
Now I want to offer that same ability to everyone. They now can have it by purchasing my Tony La Russa’s P.R.O. Blinders.”
I remember this game came with a syringe, cotton swab, and rubbing alcohol. La Russa claimed after the game was released that he didn’t even know what a video game was. What a Legend.
These Blinders are Fucking Magic!
HOF Cheater Tony La Russa
“Not only did these blinders help me get me out of any real blame or responsibility for the roided up teams I coached in Oakland, but other scandals as well:
- My time in Arizona when private medical records of our own players were leaked to teams we were in trade talks with.
- Even my active role in hiring admitted cheater Alex Cora during my brief stint with the Red Sox front office.
“These blinders are fucking magic.“
End of Press Release
So there you go folks. A true Hall of Famer.
Actress and person I know because of my wife Sarah Jessica Parker was seen modeling the Blinders last week:
And there you go folks! Let’s all welcome Tony La Russa back, with a big FUCK YOU!
