Ok, listen. Hear me out. It’s time we have a discussion. A very serious, important discussion. Victor Rask, for whatever reason, is what makes the Kirill Kaprizov train go brrrr. That’s right, Victor Rask has the potential to sneakily be the most important player on the Minnesota Wild. That is a sentence I can’t believe I just typed.Now, look, I’ve been pretty open about my disdain for Victor Rask. If you’ve ever listened to Wild Takes then you know that Nino Niederreiter was my favorite player before…well, you know what happened. I’m here to tell you, that’s all been a bit. Or that I was wrong. Whichever you like. Victor Rask is CLEARLY the key to Kaprizov playing like the superstar that got paid this offseason.
And if you saw this tweet I had suggested, totally as a bit that you losers all fell for ha ha ha, that Rem Pitlick is better than Victor Rask… No, you didn’t.Victor Rask does more with 9.25 fingers than most of us would do with 11. He has a podcast named in his honor. And most importantly, he is the key to Kirill Kaprizov tapping into his full potential. It should be no surprise that in the first game after Dean Evason put the Lettuce Line back together (however fleeting it was) they all combined for 10 points. That’s incredible, definitely sustainable, production.
But WHY is Victor Rask the key?
Now for some real analysis. We’ve all seen the gif where Kaprizov and Zuccarello are celebrating a goal only to have their faces go from jubilation to existential dread when Rask comes skating by to join them in merriment. When they’re cooking, no one can stop the Lizard King and the Soviet Savior. Which is exactly what makes Rask so valuable for them. He doesn’t try to get in on them. He knows there can be too many cooks in the kitchen. So he just leaves the kitchen unless he’s absolutely needed. Which makes sense, given that we know Rask is not a big fan of kitchens in general.
Hopefully, the Stars game where Kaprizov matched a career-high 4 points and Rask notched a gino (see above) and two apples, wasn’t just some elaborate ploy to get Rask some box score stats and trade him away. Russo reported he was on the trading block not long ago.
Embarrassing Night for Dallas
On a final note, if it wasn’t embarrassing enough for the Southern Stars to let up a touchdown in a hockey game where Cousin Greg from Succession had a career night, Dallas should be ashamed of themselves for how they handled Riley Tufte.
If you’re unfamiliar, Riley Tufte is a Stars winger from Coon Rapids. A few days ago, he got called up from the AHL to make his NHL debut on a line with Luke Glendenning and quivering chihuahua Radek Faska.He’s played two games for the Stars and was set to play his third game in the show against his hometown team. He spent all of the money he’s made buying tickets so his friends and family could come see him play. It’s truly a special moment in any young player’s career.
And then Dallas Coach and redneck Severus Snape Rick Bowness decided to healthy scratch Tufte at the absolute last second. After the game, Bowness said to the media “I can’t do anything about that. I get here at 4 o’clock, they’re telling me these guys are in now. It changes everything. This morning, Riley was playing. I can’t do anything about that.”
Except, you can Rick. You’re the one person who can make that decision. I understand hockey is a business, and you want to make the decision you think will help your club win. And if you, as the hockey coach, truly believe that putting in Kiviranta (one shot on goal in 10:23 of ice time, really inspired play) in over Tufte will help your team win, then make that decision. But fucking own it. Don’t give us this “Oh but I can’t do anything about it” bullshit.
Fuck the Stars
If you think Tufte won’t remember, you’re wrong. The way Rick Bowness and the entire Dallas Stars organization treated him tonight is pathetic. What a garbage move by an unserious organization. So yeah, punt the Stars into a blackhole. Fuck Rick Bowness. Fuck Norm Green. Long live V1CTOR RASK. Long live the Piss Missile. Let’s go Wild. Time to keep this momentum alive and road trip to Florida.
Minnesota sports weren’t stressful enough, so I went to Auburn. Diehard everything fan. Will drink beer for money. Deathly allergic to chicken.